I Went to a Party.

Post 642 ~ ~ ~ Wednesday 11th November, 2009.

Hello my Dear Friends ~~ I hope you are all well and enjoying your
lives. It has been so hot here, over 100 F today and has been for all
the week with more to come. Our Summer starts on 1st December,
so it is early and breaking records everywhere. The "Powers that Be"
have started to do burning off, just when the heat wave started. A
few have got away on them, but none life-threatening or near homes.

More "Powers that Be" have decided to ease our water restrictions,
which is crazy when we haven't had rain. We are now able to water
our lawns and even wash cars. So many are against it at this time.
Right enough complaints - sorry about that, I don't do it often.
<><><>

Today was Rembrance Day in Australia, when the whole nation stops
for a minute's silence at 11 am on the 11th day of November. In
Memory of all the servicemen and women who gave their lives in
all the wars since World War 1, and for the servicemen and women
who are serving today in all parts of the world, and as Peace-
keepers. At the going down of the sun and in the morning, we will
remember them.
<><>

A few more flower pictures will cheer me up!!




A not very good picture of my sweet peas which are now done and are waiting
for me to get a burst of energy and a cooler day to pull them out.



A few more of the pelargoniums, which are my favorites.

The First item tonight came in an e mail from Sue and Bob from the
U.K. and is a warning about Drink Driving. Thank you for this one.

I went to a party.
And remembered what you said.
You told me not to drink, Mum.
So I had a Sprite instead.

I felt proud of myself.
The way you said I would,
That I didn't drink and drive,
Though some friends said I should.

I made a healthy choice,
And your advice to me was right,
The party finally ended,
And the kids drove out of sight.

I got into my car,
Sure to get home in one piece,
I never knew what was coming, Mum
Something I expected least.

Now I'm lying on the pavement,
And I hear the policeman say,
The kid who caused this wreck was drunk,
Mum, his voice seems far away.

My own blood's all around me,
As I try hard not to cry.
I can hear the paramedic say,
This girl is going to die.

I'm sure the guy had no idea,
While he was flying high,
Because he chose to drink and drive,
Now I would have to die.

So why do people do it, Mum
Knowing that it ruins lives?
And now the pain is cutting me,
Like a hundred stabbing knives.

Someone should have taught him,
That it's wrong to drink and drive.
Maybe if his parents had,
I'd still be alive.

My breath is getting shorter, Mum
I'm getting really scared.
These are my final moments,
And I'm so unprepared.

I wish you could hold me Mum,
As I lie here and die.
I wish I could say, "I love you, Mum"
So I love you and good-bye.

<><>

A Bear, a Lion and a Pig.

A bear, a lion and a pig meet. I know what you're thinking -
they eat the PIG . . . NO

The bear says, "If I roar in the forest, the entire forest is
shivering with fear."

The lion says, "If I roar in the jungle, the entire jungle is
afraid of me."

The pig says, "Big deal . . . .I only have to cough, and the entire
planet goes into mass panic."
<><>

One from my good friend Patty. Thank you Patty.

THE PSYCHOPATH TEST.

Read this question, come up with an answer and then scroll down
to the bottom for the result. This is not a trick question. It is as
it reads. No-one I know has gotten it right. Few people do.....

A woman, while at a funeral of her own mother, met a guy whom
she did not know. She thought this guy was amazing. She believed
him to be her dream guy so much that she fell in love with him right
there, but never asked his number and could not find him. A few
days later she killed her sister . . .

Question : What is her motive for killing her sister?

(Give this some thought before you answer, see answer below.)




















Answer :
She was hoping the guy would appear at the funeral again.
If you answered this correctly, you think like a psychopath.
This was a test by a famous American psychologist used to
determine if one has the same mentality as a killer.
Many arrested serial killers took part in the test and answered
the question correctly. If you didn't answer the question
correctly, good for you.

If you got the answer correct, please let me know so I can take
your crazy ass off my e-mail list.
<><>

A man was driving down the road when he saw a baby pig along
side of the road. He stopped and picked it up and headed home to
the city with his new found pet. AS the man drove home, the
piglet jumped up on the shelf in the back window and paced back
and forth - creating quiite a distraction for passing motorists.

After entering the city limits, a cop saw this and pulled the car over.
"Hey, what are you doing with that pig in the car?" the cop asked.

The driver replied, "Well, I just found him beside the road, so I thought
he'd make a great pet."
The cop responded, "I want you to take that pig to the Zoo."
The driver agreed and drove off.

The next day the cop saw the man driving around with the pig in the
back window again and pulled him over.

"WHAT ARE YOU DOING? I THOUGHT I TOLD YOU TO TAKE THAT PIG
TO THE ZOO" He yelled.

"Well, I did take the pig to the Zoo. We had such a good time, we
are going to the ball game now."
<><>

Religious Differences.

A little boy was walking down a dirt road after church one Sunday
when he came to thd crossroads where he met a little girl coming
from the other direction.

"Hello," said the little boy.
"Hi," replied the little girl.
"Where are you going?" asked the little boy.
"I've been to church and I am on my way hot," answered the girl.

"Me too," replied the little boy. "I'm also on my way home from
church. Which church do you go to?" the little boy asked.
"I go to the Baptist church back down the road. What about you?"
The boy replied, "I go to the Catholic church at the top of the hill."

They discover they are both going the same way so they decided
to walk together.
They came to a low spot in the road where spring rains had
partially flooded the road, so there was no way that they could get
across to the other side without getting wet.

"If I get my new Sunday dress wet, my Mom's going to skin me
alive," said the little girl.
"My Mom will tan my hide too if I get my new Sunday suit wet,"
replied the little boy.

"I tell you what I think I'll do," said the little girl. I'm gonna pull off
all my clothes and hold them over my head and wade across."
"That's a good idea," replied the little boy. "I'm gonna do the
same thing with my suit."

So they both undressed and waded across to the other side without
getting their clothes wet.
They were standing there in the sun waiting to drip dry before
putting their clothes back on, when the little boy finally remarked,

"You know, I never did realize before just how much difference there
really is between a Baptist and a Catholic."
<><>

A little boy asks his father, "Daddy, how was I born?"

The father answers, "Well, son, I guess one day you will need to find
out anyway. Your Mom and I ffirst got together in a chat room on
Yahoo. Then I set up a date via e-mail with your Mom and we met
at a cyber-cafe. We sneaked into a secluded room, and googled each
other. There your mother agreed to a download from my hard drive.
As soon as I was ready to upload, we discovered neither one of us had
used a firewall, and since it was too late to hit the delete button, nine
months later a little Pop-Up appeared that said:

You've Got Male.
<><>

Time to say Goodnight my friends. Look after yourselves, and
each other. I hope you are happy with your lives. My love and
very best wishes to you all. Cheers, Merle.

Post 642 ~ ~ ~ Wednesday, 11th November, 2009.
<><><>

Merle's Pelargoniums.

Post 641 ~ ~ ~ Thursday, 5th November, 2009.

Hi Everyone ~~ I hope all is well at your house and that life is good
for you all. I am fine and a few cooler days have helped, although we
are heading for 3 days in a row of 37C which is 98.6 F, so not very
pleased about that and sometimes it goes over the forecast.

I am showing off a few of my Pelargoniums tonight. They have been
beautiful this year, but are past their best.They are a type of Geranium
and are fairly hardy when they get settled, and easy on the water that
is always a problem with the lack of rain. We had a good October, but
none since.






I really enjoy seeing them and watching as they come to flower, and
this is a very small selection of the ones I have.

The first item tonight was sent to me by my niece, Vicki and I thought
it was so nice that I would share it with you. Thank you dear Vicki.

Think about this for a minute . . . . .

If I happened to show up on your door step crying, would you care?

If I called you and asked you to pick me up because something
happened, would you come?

If I had one day left to live my life, would you be part of that last day?

If I needed a shoulder to cry on, would you give me yours?

This is a test to see who your real friends are, or if you are just someone
to talk to you when they are bored.

Do you know what the relationship is between your two eyes?

They blink together, They move together, They cry together,
They see things together, and they sleep together, but they never
see each other; . . . . that's what friendship is . . . .

Your aspiration is your motivation,
Your motivation is your belief,
Your belief is your peace,
Your peace is your target,
Your target is heaven,
and life is hard core torture without it.

It is 'World Best Friends Week'
Who is your best friend?
Pass this on to all your good friends.

Save the Earth . . . . it's the only planet with chocolate!!!
<><>

One from my good friend Robyn. Thank you Robyn.

Q: Doctor, I've heard that cardiovascular exercise can prolong life.
Is this true?
A: Your heart is only good for so many beats and that's it. Don't
waste it on exercise. Everything wears out eventually. Speeding
up your heart does not make you live longer; it's like saying you
extend the life of a car by driving faster.Want to live longer, take a nap.

Q: Should I cut down on meat and eat more vegetables?
A: You must grasp logistical efficiency . . . What do cows eat? Hay
and corn. And what are these? Vegetables... So steak is nothing
more than efficient mechanism of delivering vegetables to your system.
Need grain? Eat chicken... Beef, also a good source of of field grass
(leafy green vegetable.) And pork chop can give you 100% of
recommended daily allowance of vegetable product.

Q: Should I reduce my alcohol intake?
A: No, not at all. Wine is made from fruit. Brandy is distilled wine, that
means they take water out of fruit so you get even more goodness
that way. Beer is also made of grain. Bottoms up!!!

Q: How can I calculate my body/fat ratio?
A: Well if you have a body, then you have fat, your ratio is one to one.
If you have 2 bodies, your ratio is two to one, etc.

Q: What are some of the advantages od participating in a regular
exercise program?
A: Can't think of a single one, sorry. My philosophy is: no pain..good.

Q: Aren't fried foods bad for you?
A: YOU ARE NOT LISTENING. Foods these days are fried in vegetable
oil. In fact they are permeated by it. How could getting more
vegetable be bad for you?

Q: Will sit-ups help prevent me getting a little soft around the middle?
A: Definitely not. When you exercise muscle, it gets bigger. You should
only be doing sit-ups if you want a bigger stomach.

Q: Is chocolate bad for me?
A: Are you crazy?? HELLO-O-O Cocoa bean. Another vegetable.
It's the best feel-good food around.

Q: Is swimming good for your figure?
A: If swimming is good for your figure, explain whale to me.

Q: Is getting in shape important for my life-style?
A: Hey!! Round is a shape.

Well I hope this has cleared up any misconceptions you may have had
about food and diets.

Life should NOT be a journey to the grave with the intention of
arriving safely in an attractive and well-preserved body, but rather to
skid in sideways - Chardonnay in one hand - chocolate in the other -
body thoroughly used up, totally worn out and screaming,
"WOO-HOO," what a ride.!!
<><>

How Smart Is Your Right Foot?

Just try this. . .it is from an orthopedic surgeon. This will boggle
your mind and you will keep trying over and over again to see if
you can outsmart your right foot - but you can't.
It's programmed in your brain.

1. WITHOUT anyone watching you - they will think you are GOOFY
and sitting where you are at your desk in front of your computer,
lift your right foot off the floor and make clockwise circles with it.

2. Now, while doing this, draw the number six in the air with your
right hand. Your foot direction will change.

I told you so! And there's nothing you can do about it.

You and I both know how stupid it is, but before the day is done, you
are going to try it again, if you haven't already done so.
<><>

One from my friend Warren. Thanks Mate.

Lovemaking for Seniors.
1. Wear your glasses. Make sure your partner is actually in the bed.

2. Set timer for 3 minutes, in case you doze off in the middle.

3. Set the mood with lighting. (Turn them all OFF.)

4. Make sure you put 000 on speed dial before you begin.

5. Write partner's name on your hand, in case you forget.

6. Keep the polygrip close by so your teeth don't end up
under the bed.

7. Have Panadol ready in case you actually complete the act.

8. Make all the noise you want. . . .the neighbours are deaf too.

9. Don't even think about trying it twice.

I sent this in large type so you could read it.
<><>

Last one from my good friend Sharon. Thank you, my friend.
"Vat Da Hell Ole?

Ole's car was hit by a truck in an accident. In court, the trucking
company's lawyer was questioning Ole.

"Didn't you say, sir, at the scene of the accident, 'I'm fine"? asked
the lawyer.

Ole responded, "Vell, I'll tell you vat happened. I had just loaded my
favorite mule, Bessie, into da. . ."

"I didn't ask for any details," the lawyer interrupted. "Just answer the
question. Did you not say, at the scene of the accident, 'I'm fine'? "

Ole said, "Vell, I had just got Bessie into da trailer and I vas driving
down the road . . . . . .

The lawyer interrupted again and said, "Judge I am trying to establish
the fact that, at the scene of the accident, this man told the Highway
Patrolman on the scene that he was just fine. Now several weeks
after the accident he is trying to sue my client. I believe he is a fraud.
Please tell him simply answer the question."

By this time, the Judge was fairly interested in Ole's answer and said
to the lawyer, "I'd like to hear what he has to say about his favorite
mule, Bessie."

Ole thanked the Judge and proceeded, "Vell, as I vas saying, I had
loaded Bessie, my favorite mule, into the trailer and vas driving her
down da highway, ven dis huge semi-truck and trailer ran da stop
sign and smacked my truck right in the side. I vas thrown into one
ditch and Bessie into the other. I vas hurting real bad and didn't
vant to move."

"However, I could hear Bessie moaning and groaning. I knew she vas
in terrible shape just by her groans. Shortly after the accident, da
Highway Patrolman, came to the scene. He could hear Bessie so he
vent over to her."

After he looked at her and saw her fatal condition, he took out his gun
and shot her between the eyes.
Den the Patrolman, came across da road, gun still smoking, looked at
me and said, "How are you feeling?"

"Now, vat DA hell vould YOU say?"
<><>

Well it is past my bedtime, so I will close for tonight. Take good care
of yourselves and each other. Enjoy your lives. My love and best
wishes to you all. Cheers, Merle.

Post 641 ~ ~ ~ Thursday, 5th November, 2009.
<><><>

Little Girl Praying.

Post 640 ~ ~ ~ Sunday, 1st November, 2009.

Hello my Friends ~~ I hope you enjoyed Halloween for the folks
who celebrate it, and hope you survived it, and didn't have to eat
too many sweets that were left over. I hope the weather is a
little of what you want. We have suddenly got quite warm in
Victoria - around 34 ,C and up to 37C which is 98F so it has begun
a bit early and so suddenly. The air conditioner has been on all week.
John came on Monday and climbed on my roof to clean and start
the ducted air conditioner. And later that day, I had to turn it on.
So thanks John. Today he put a new globe in my outdoor porch light.

My younger son, Geoff and his wife Joanne came up from Melbourne
on Friday night and on Saturday, we took the usual trip to Bunnings
where I bought some plants etc, which Geoff proceeded to plant for
me as well as general tidying up things. Thanks Geoff. It was almost
3 months since they visited, so saw a few little changes, in the garden.
It has been looking great lately with sweet peas over the top of the
fence and lovely pelagoniums blooming madly. Looking great.

First item tonight was sent to me by my good friend Sharon. Thank you.

LITTLE GIRL PRAYING.


Dear God,

Please send some clothes for all the ladies on Daddy's computer. Amen.
<><>



A lovely hanging basket, I got from Bunnings. It is a petunia called
Raspberry Blast. Everyone likes it, it's very pretty.

Now to find some jokes . . . . .The first 3 are from my good friend
Linda - thank you so much once again.

The first isn't really a joke, but is interesting.

Question: What is the truest definition of Globalization?

Answer: Princess Diana's death.

Question: How come?

An English Princess with an Egyptian boyfriend crashes in a French tunnel,

driving a German car with a Dutch engine, driven by a Belgian who

was drunk on Scottish whisky, followed closely by Italian Paparazzi

on Japanese motorcycles, treated by an American doctor, using

Brazilian medicines.

This is sent to you by a South African using American Bill Gates's

technology and you're probably reading this on your computer, that

uses Taiwanese chips and a Korean monitor, assembled by

Bangladeshi workers in a Singapore plant, transported by Indian

truck drivers, hijacked by Indonesians, unloaded by Sicilian longshoremen

and trucked to you by Mexican illegals . . . . .

That, my friends is Globalization!!!
<><><>

Coyote control.

Proving once again how dangerous it is when the Federal Government
joins forces with the environmental whackos. The same combination
explains why we import over 50% of our oil instead of exploiting the
vast reserves we have. The Sierra Club and the U.S. Forest Service
were presenting an alternative to Wyoming ranchers for controlling
the coyote population. It seems that after years of the tried and true
methods of shooting and/or trapping the predators, the tree-huggers
had a more humane solution.

What they proposed was for the animals to be captured alive. The
males would then be castrated and let loose again. Therefore the
population would be controlled. This was ACTUALLY proposed to the
Wyoming Wool and Sheep Grower's Association by the Sierra Club
and the USFS.

All of the ranchers thought about this amazing idea for a couple of
minutes. Finally an old guy in the back of the conference room stood
up, tipped his hat back and said, "Son, I don't think you understand
our problem. Those coyotes ain't screwing our sheep - they're
eatin' 'em." There was a roar of laughter.
<><>

A lovely Australian Poem called "Goodbye Granddad."

Poor old Granddad's passed away, cut off in his prime.
He never had a day off crook - gone before his time.


We found him in the dunny (old word for outdoor toilet) collapsed
there on the seat,
a startled look upon his face, his trousers around his feet.

The doctor said his heart was good - fit as any trout.
The Constable had his say, 'foul play' was not ruled out.

There were theories at the inquest of snakebite without trace,
Of redbacks (spiders)quietly creeping and death from outer space.

No-one had a clue at all - the judge was in some doubt.
When Dad was called to have his say as to how it came about,

"I reckon I can clear it up," said Dad with trembling breath,
"You see, it's quite a story - but it could explain his death."

"This here exploration mob had been looking at our soil,
and they reckoned that our farm was just the place for oil.

"So they came and put a bore down and said they'd make some trials.
They drilled a hole as deep as hell, they said about three miles.

"Well, they never found a trace of oil and off they went, post haste.
And I couldn't let a hole like that go to flaming waste.

"So I moved the dunny over it -- real smart move I thought,
I'd never have to dig again - I'd never be 'caught short'


"The day I moved the dunny, it looked a proper sight,
But I didn't dream poor Granddad would pass away that night/

"Now I reckon what has happened - poor Granddad didn't know,
The dunny was re-located when that night he had to go.

"And you'll probably be wondering how poor Granddad did his dash--
Well, he always used to hold his breath - until he heard the splash!!!"
<><>

A little girl asked her mother if she could take the dog for a walk
around the block. Mum replies, "No, because she's on heat."
"What's that mean?" asked the child.
"Go ask your father. I think he is in the garage."

The little girl goes to the garage and says, Dad, may I take the dog
for a walk around the block and Mum said the dog was on heat."

Dad says, "Bring Belle over here." He took a rag and soaked it in
petrol, and scrubbed the dog's backside with it and said, Okay, that
should take care of that problem. You can go now, but keep Belle
on the leash and only go once around the block."

The little girl left and returned a few minutes later with no dog on
the leash. Surprised, Dad asked, "Where's Belle?"

The little girl said, "She ran out of petrol about halfway round the
block, so another dog is pushing her home."
<><>

Just a few quotes to close tonight. . . .

Forgiving means to pardon the unpardonable.
Faith means believing the unbelievable,
And hoping means to hope when things are hopeless.
~ ~ ~ G. K. Chesterton.

Miracles happen to those who believe in them.~~Bernard Berenson.

Oh God. Grant me the serenity to accept the things I cannot change,
the courage to change the things I can, and the wisdom to
distinguish the one from the other. ~ ~ Reinhold Niebuhr.

It is wonderful how much time good people spend fighting the devil.
If only they would expend the same amount of energy on loving
their fellow men, the devil would die of ennui in his own tracks.
~ ~ ~ Helen Keller.

He who loses money, loses much;
He who loses a friend, loses much more;
He who loses faith, loses all. ~ ~ ~ Eleanor Roosevelt.
<><>

Time to say Goodnight my friends. Take good care of yourselves
and each other. Enjoy your lives and have a great week ahead.
My love and best wishes to you all. Cheers, Merle.

Post 640 ~ ~ ~ Sunday, 1st November, 2009.
<><><>

Birthday Weekend.

Post 639 Tuesday, 27th October, 2009.

Hello Everyone ~~ I hope you all had a great weekend, because I did.
I had a house full of visitors and a wonderful time. My daughter, Kathy
and her three daughters arrived on Saturday about lunch time, so we
ate and talked and sat out in the gazebo, and then her son Joh and his
girlfriend Stevie arrived from Deniliquin, NSW. so more eating and more
talking and catching up and the obligatory photographs.

Then we all went out for a meal, including my son John and his friend
and a school friend of Kathy's, Sherrill who haven't seen each other for
a long time, and they talked and talked and enjoyed seeing each other.
We all had a really nice time. Now for some pictures, John took for me.



Kathy, who turned 48, cutting her cake and we sang Happy Birthday.



Her youngest child, Jorja who is 11 years old, taken at home.



Her second daughter, Kristen who will turn 17 in February. She drives the
car (Mercedes) at every opportunity. She drove all the way here and back.



Her eldest daughter, Kate who will be 22 in November. She has been
to France to work for a month in a restaurant and is now a chef, and
is such a help whenever she visits. Isn't she beautiful?






John took both sides of the table (and I forgot to take one of him). Sorry John.
From front -- Merle, Kathy's son Joh and his girlfriend Stevie, and Kate.


From the front, Heather, Sherrill, Kathy, Jorja and Krissy.

Kathy's other son Nick is 14 and was playing cricket, and helping his
Dad with the milking of the cows etc.


Now for a few jokes -- thanks to some friends of mine.

First one from my friend, Mike Burridge from England. Thanks, Mike.
London Lawyer versus Glasgow Cop.

A London lawyer runs a stop sign and gets pulled over by a Glasgow cop.
He thinks he is smarter than the cop, because he is a lawyer from
LONDON and is certain that he has a better education than any Jock cop.
He decides to prove this to himself and have some fun at the Glasgow
cops expense.

Glasgow cop says, "License and Registration, Please."
London lawyer says: "What for?"
Glasgow cop says: "Ye didnae come to a complete stop. License and
Registration Pleas."
London Lawyer says: "I slowed down, and no one was coming."


Glasgow cop says: Ye still didnae come to a complete stop. License and
Registration Please."
London Lawyer says: "What's the difference?"
Glasgow cop says: "The difference is, ye huvte come to a complete stop.
That's the law. License and Registration please."

London Lawyer says: "If you can show me the legal difference between
slow down and stop, I'll give you my license and registration; and you
give me the ticket. If not, you let me go and don't give me a ticket."

Glasgow cop says: "Sounds fair. Exit your vehicle, Sir."
The London Lawyer exits his vehicle.

The Glasgow cop takes out his baton and starts beating the heck out of
the lawyer and says, "Dae you want me to stop or just slow doon?"
<><>

My good friend Linda L sent the next three jokes. Thank you Linda.

An 86 year old man went to his doctor for his quarterly check-up.
The doctor asked him how he was feeling and the 86 year old man
said "Things are great and I've never felt better."

I now have a 20 year old bride who is pregnant with my child, so
what do you think about that Doc?"

The doctor considered his question for a minute and then began to
tell a story. "I have an older friend, much like you who is an avid
hunter and never misses a season."
"One day he was setting off to go hunting. He was in a bit of a
hurry, he accidently picked up his walking cane instead of his gun.

As he neared a lake, he came across a very large male beaver
sitting at the water's edge. He realized he'd left his gun at home
and so he couldn't shoot the magnificent creature.

Out of habit he raised his cane, aimed it at the animal as if it were
his favorite hunting rifle and went 'bang bang'.
Miraculously, two shots rang out and the beaver fell over dead.
"Now what do you think of that?" asked the doctor.

The 86 year old said, "Logic would strongly suggest that somebody
else pumped a couple of rounds into that beaver."

The doctor replied, "My point exactly."
<><>

A man is driving around the back woods of Montana and he sees a
sign in front of a broken down shanty style house. "Talking dog
for Sale." He rings the bell and the owner appears and tells him the
dog is in the backyard.

The man goes into the backyard and sees a nice-looking Labrador
retriever sitting there. "You talk?" he asks. "Yep," the Lab replies.
After the guy recovers from the shock of hearing a talking dog, he
says, "So what's your story?"

The Lab looks up and says, "Well, I discovered that I could talk when
I was pretty young. I wanted to help the government, so I told the
CIA. In no time at all they had me jetting from country to country,
sitting in rooms with spies and world leaders, because no one figured
a dog would be eavesdropping."

"I was one of their most valuable spies for eight years running. But
the jetting around really tired me out, and I knew I wasn't getting any
younger so I decided to settle down. I signed up for a job at the air-
port to do some under-cover security, wandering near suspicious
characters and listening in. I uncovered some incredible dealings and
was awarded a batch of medals. "I got married had a mess of puppies,
and now I'm just retired."

The guy is amazed. He goes back in and asks the owner what he
wants for the dog. The guy said, "Ten dollars."
"Ten dollars? This dog is amazing. Why are you selling him so Cheap?

Because he's a liar. He never did any of that sh*t.
<><><>

A few minutes before the church services started, the congregation
was sitting in their pews and talking.

Suddenly, Satan appearded at the front of the church. Everyone
started screaming and running for the back entrnce, trampling
each other in a frantic effort to get away from evil incarnate.

Soon the church was empty except for one elderly gentleman who
sat calmly in his pew without moving, seemingly oblivious to the
fact that God's ultimate enemy was in his presence,


So Satan walked up tothe man and said, "Do you know how I am?"
The man replied, "Yep, sure do."
"Aren't you afraid of me?" Satan asked.
"Nope, sure ain't" said the man.

"Don't you realize I can kill you with one word?" asked Satan.
"Don't doubt it for a minute," the old man replied calmly.
"Did you know that I can cause you profound, horrifying agony
for all eternity?" persisted Satan.

"Yep," was the calm reply.
"And you are still not afraid?" asked Satan.
"Nope," said the old man.

More than a little perturbed, Satan asked, "Why aren't you afraid of me?"
The man calmly replied, "Been married to your sister for 48 years. . ..
<><>

Time to close as I am fighting off the sandman. I hope you are all well
and enjoying your lives. My love and best wishes to you all.
Cheers, Merle.

Post 639 ~ ~ ~ Tuesday, 27th October, 2009.
<><><>

Advice from a donkey.

Post 638 ~ ~ ~ Friday, 23rd October, 2009.

Hello my friends ~~ I hope all is well with you and your loved ones
wherever you live and that your lives are going well. I am fine and
am expecting my younger daughter to arrive tomorrow with her three
daughters for the weekend. It will be Kathy's 48th birthday, so I
have a lovely cake in the fridge for her ~~ ssh don't tell her.
It is 5 months to the day since I saw them for MY birthday, so it
will be really nice to have them visit even for a short time.

A very Happy Birthday to a blogging friend Diane J, I hpoe you have
a wonderful day Diane and many Happy Returns.

My first story is from my good friend, Linda L. Thank you so much.
It is about a donkey, with a moral at the end. From the donkey.

One day a farmer's donkey fell down into a well. The animal cried
piteously for hours as the farmer tried to figure out what to do.




Finally, he decided the animal was old, and the well needed
to be covered up anyway.

It just wasn't worth it to retrieve the donkey. He invited all his neighbors
to come over and help him. They all grabbed a shovel and began
to shovel dirt into the well. At first, the donkey realized what was
happening and cried horribly. Then to everyone's amazement he
quieted down.

A few shovel loads later, the farmer finally looked down the well.
He was astonished at what he saw. With each shovel of dirt that
hit his back, the donkey was doing something amazing...He would
shake it off and take a step up.

As the farmer's neighbors continued to shovel dirt on top of the
animal, he would shake it off and take a step up.
Pretty soon, everyone was amazed as the donkey stepped up over
the edge of the well and happily trotted off.

********
Life is going to shovel dirt on you, all kinds of dirt. The trick is to shake
shake it off and take a step up. Each of our troubles is a stepping-
stone. We can get out of the deepest wells just by not stopping,
and never giving up. Shake it off and take a step up.

Remember the five simple rules to be happy:
Free your heart from hatred -- Forgive.
Free your mind from worries -- most never happen.
Live simply and appreciate what you have.
Give more.
Expect less.

NOW. . . . .

Enough of that crap. The donkey later came back, and bit the farmer
who had tried to bury him. The gash from the bite got infected and
the farmer eventually died in agony from septic shock.


MORAL FROM TODAY'S LESSON:

When you do something wrong, and try to cover your ass. it always
comes back to bite you.
<><>

The first joke was e mailed to me by my dear friend, Lorraine. (The
very helpful friend who does so much for me.) Thank you so much.

A mother was driving her little girl to her friend's house for a play date.
"Mommy," the little girl asks, " how old are you?"

"Honey, you are not supposed to ask a lady her age," the mother replies.
"It's not polite." "OK," the little girl says. "How much do you weigh?"
"Now, really," the mother says, "those are personal questions that are
none of your business."

Undaunted, the little girl asks, "Why did you and Daddy get a divorce?"
"That's enough questions, young lady. Honestly."
The exasperated mother walks away as the two friends begin to play.

"My Mom won't tell me anything about her," the little girl told her friend.
"Well," says the friend, All you need is her driverr's license. It's like a
report card, it has everything on it."

Later that night the little girl says to her mother, "I know how old you
are. You're 32."
The mother is surprised and asks, "How did you find that out?"
"I also know that you weigh 130 pounds."
The mother is past surprised and shocked now. "How on Heaven's name
did you find that out?"

"And," the little girl says triumphantly, "I know why Daddy got a divorce."
"Oh really?" the mother asks, "Why?"

"Because you got an F in sex."
<><><>

Next joke was sent by my good friend Sharon K. Thank you Sharon.

FIVE RULES FOR MEN TO FOLLOW FOR A HAPPY LIFE:

1. It's important to have a woman, who helps at home, who cooks
from time to time, cleans up and has a job.

2. It's important to have a woman, who can make you laugh.

3. It's important to have a woman, who you can trust and who
doesn't lie to you.

4. It is important to have a woman, who is good in bed and who likes
to be with you.

5. It's very very important that these four women do not know each
other.
<><>

A few short ones from my good friend Linda. Thank you fir these.

Dear Lord, I pray for Wisdom to understand my man; Love to forgive
him; Patience for his moods. Because Lord, if I pray for strength,
I'll beat him to death. AMEN.


Q. Why do little boys whine?
A. They are practicing to be MEN.


Q. What do you call a handcuffed man? A. Trustworthy.


Q. What does it mean when a man is in your bed gasping for breath
and calling your name?
A. You did not hold the pillow down long enough.


Q. How do you keep your husband from reading your e mail?
A. Rename the e mail folder "Instruction Manual."


KIDS ARE QUICK . . . . . also from Linda . . .

Teacher: Maria, go to the map and find North America.
Maria: Here it is.
Teacher: Correct. Now class, who discovered America.
Class: Maria.

Teacher: John, why are you doing your math multiplication on the floor?
John: You told me to do it without using tables.

Teacher" Glenn, how do you spell 'crocodile'?
Glenn: K-R-O-K-O-D-I-A-L.
Teacher: No, that's wrong.
Glenn: Maybe it is wrong, but you asked me how I spell it.


Teacher: Donald, what is the chemical formula for water?
Donald: H I J K L M N O.
Teacher: What are you talking about?
Donald: Yesterday you said it's H to O.


Teacher: Winnie, name one important thing we have today
that we didn't have 10 years ago.
Winnie: Me.


Teacher: Now, Simon, tell me honestly, do you say prayers
before eating?
Simon: No sir, I don't have to, my Mom is a good cook.


Teacher: Harold, what do you call a person who keeps talking
when people are no longer interested?
Harold: A Teacher.

<><><>

A young woman sat in her stalled car, awaiting help. Finally two men
walked up to her. "I'm out of fuel," she purred. "Could you push me
to a service station?"

They readily put their muscles to the car and rolled it several blocks.
After a while, one looked up, exhausted, to see they had just passed
a filling station.
"How come you didn't turn in?" he yelled.

"I never go there," the woman shouted back. "They don't have full
service."
<><>

During a lecture for medical students, the professor listed as the
two best qualities of a doctor the ability to conquer revulsion and
the need for keen powers of observation. He illustrated this by
stirring a messy substance with his finger and then licking his
finger clean. Then he called a student to the front and made him
do the same.
Afterwards the professor remarked, "You conquered your revulsion,
but your powers of observation are not very good. I stirred with my
forefinger, but I licked my middle finger."
<><>

A few quotes to close with . . . .

A college degree is not a sign that one is a finished product but an
indication a person is prepared for life. ~ ~ Edward A. Malloy.

A good marriage would be between a blind wife and a deaf husband.
~ ~ ~ Honore de Balzac.

All men make mistakes, but married men find out about them
sooner. ~ ~ ~ Red Skelton.

I have often wanted to drown my troubles, but I can't get my wife
to go swimming. ~ ~ ~ Jimmy Carter.

"I am" is reportedly the shortest sentence in the English language.
Could it be that "I do" is the longest sentence? ~~ George Carlin.

Always get married early in the morning. That way, if it doesn't
work out, you haven't wasted a whole day. ~~ Mickey Rooney.
<><>

Well time to say Bye for now. I hope you found something to interest
or amuse you. Love and best wishes to you all and enjoy your lives.
Have a wonderful weekend, Cheers, Merle.

Post 638 ~ ~ ~ Friday, 23rd October, 2009.
<><><>

Incredible Fish Story.

Post 637 ~ ~ ~ Monday, 19th October, 2009.

Hello Everyone ~~ I hope you all had a great weekend and life is good.
My friend, Lorraine came on Saturday and took me to Bunnings where
I got some tomato plants and a few other bits and pieces. And then
she insisted on putting them in for me. I am very lucky to have such a
good friend. I enjoy just walking around looking at my garden and the
flowers that are already in bloom. Life is good here in Shepparton.

First item tonight is one sent by Sue and Bob in England. A good story.Thanks.
An Incredible Fish Story.

Caught One to One and a half miles offshore while fishing after the
fires in Southern California.



Did he say , one and a half miles ??? What is that in the middle of the photo?
Can it really be??




It's a DEER.



Not too much of a struggle. Poor thing.




He was so tired and was so glad to get into our boat and rest.

And yes, we turned him loose when we got back to shore.

Just try beating this Fish Story. !!
<><>

I was very pleased to receive the "One Lovely Blog Award" and would
now like to acknowledge it and pass it on.
I received mine from a new friend, Kathy, Thank you once again.
http://kathyskandids.blogspot.com/

The rules of the "One Lovely Blog Award" are as follows, Accept the award
and post it on your blog together with the name and link to that person.

Pass the award on to 15 bloggers, new or old with names and links. Then
notify the bloggers to let them know they have been chosen for this award.

In no particular order, mine are:

1. Beth E http://endeanmom1.blogspot.com/

2. Margaret Cloud http://olddigger.blogspot.com/

3. Sharon http://sharonscottagequilts.blogspot.com/

4. Jeanette http://jenschronicles.blogspot.com/

5. Tracie http://rosezilla.blogspot.com/

6. Christina http://whatsupinparadise.blogspot.com/

7. Linda May http://lindylou.blogspot.com/

8. Patty http://oldladylincoln.blogspot.com/

9. Lady Di http://kittyjustice.blogspot.com/

10 Kerri http://colorsofthegarden.blogspot.com/

11. Carole http://peascorner.blogspot.com/

12 Jack K http://viewfromlansing.blogspot.com/

13 Dave http://dchamps.blogspot.com/

14 Renie http://renieburghardtsworld.blogspot.com/

15 Janice http://ladyjanice.blogspot.com/

These people all have great posts, with great stories, poems or jokes
or journals of their lives. All good blogging friends and you will enjoy a
visit to their blogs. The picture of the award is on the previous post
and I hope you will enjoy having it.
<><>

A joke from my friend, Linda May, Thank you my friend.

APARTMENT for RENT.
A businessman met a beautiful girl and agreed to spend the night with
her for $500. They did their thing, and before he left, he told her that
he didn't have any cash on him, but would have his secretary write a
cheque and mail it to her calling the payment. "RENT FOR APARTMENT."

On his way to the office he regretted what he had done, realising that
the whole thing was not worth the price. So he had his secretary send
a cheque for $250 and enclose the following note.

Dear Madam: Enclosed find a check for $250 for rent of your apartment.
I am not sending the amount agreed upon, because when I rented the
place, I was under the impression that:
1 -it had never been occupied
2 there was plenty of heat
3 it was small enough to make me feel cosy and at home

However I found 1. that it had been previously occupied
2 There wasn't any heat and
3 it was entirely too large.

Upon receipt of the note, the girl immediately returned the cheque
for $250. with the following note.

Dear Sir: 1. I cannot understand how you could expect a beautiful
apartment to remain unoccupied indefinitely.
2 As for the heat, there is plenty of it if you know how to turn it on.
3 Regarding the space, the apartment is of regular size, but if you
don't have enough furniture to fill it, please do not blame the
management

So please send the rent in full or we will be forced to contact your
present landlady. . . .

Let us find your next place for you. Need a place to rent, buy or share?
<><>

Fifty-one years ago, Herman James, a North Carolina mountain man was
drafted by the Army. On his first day of basic training, the Army issued him
a comb. That afternoon the Army barber shaved off all his hair.

O his second day, the Army issued Herman a toothbrush. That afternoon
the Army dentist removed seven of his teeth. On the third day, the Army
issued him a jock strap. The Army has been looking for Herman James
for 51 years.
<><>

Well, I will close now and go visit 15 blogger friends. Take care of yourselves
and each other. Enjoy your lives my friends. My love and best wishes to you
all. Cheers, Merle.

Post 637 ~ ~ ~ Monday, 19th October, 2009.
<><><>

New Award from Kathy.

Post 636 ~ ~ ~ Thursday, 15th October, 15th October, 2009.

Hello again Everyone ~~ I hope all is well in your corners of the world.
I am fine, have been very busy the last few days. I had my friend,
Lorraine come on two afternoons and she planted some lovely new plants
for me. Mostly pelagoniums and geraniums and she also put up some
nice new colored solar lights, so all is looking nice again. I will take some
photos soon. We have had a lot of showery weather. You know how
tiring this supervising is.

Then shopping day on Tuesday and today I went to see my doctor who
said all the blood tests were good. So all is well for now.
Next project is to get some tomato plants in and plan more spring
onions. And also get a few new herbs.

I was really surprised and very pleased to get the "One Lovely Blog"
award from a new friend Kathy. Thank you so much and I will post the
list of my recipients in the next day or so.


A very lovely award and I am so honored to receive it.






These are two odd photos and I thought they were quite good. Enlarge them.

First item tonight is called "If God Texted the 10 Commandments."

1. no1 b4 me. Srsly.

2. dnt wrshp pix/idols.

3. no omg's

4. no wrk on w/end (sat 4 now; sun l8r.

5. pos ok - ur m&d r cool.

6. don't kill ppl.

7. :-x only w/m8.

8. dnt steal.

9. dnt lie; bf.

10 dnt ogle ur bf's m8, or ox, or donkey. myob.

M, pls rite on tabs and giv 2 ppl. ttyl, JHWH.

ps wwjd? Pastor Tim.
<><>

Next one is not really a joke. Anything but !! This was sent by
my English friend Mike B. and previously by my friend Jim.
Thank you both. It is called the "New Alphabet."

A is for apple, and B , is for boat
That used to be right, nut now it won't float!
Age before beauty is what once was said, but let's be a bit
realistic instead.

A is arthritis; B for bad back; C for the chest pains perhaps
car-d-iac? D is for dental decay and decline.
E is for eyesight, can't read that top line.
F is for fissures and fluid retention.
G is for gas which I'd rather not mention.
H is for high blood pressure
I for incisions with scars you can show
J is for joints, out of socket, won't mend.
K is for knees that crack when they bend.
L 's for libido. What happened to sex?
M is for memory, I forget what comes next.
N is for neuralgia, in nerves
O is for osteo, bones that don't grow.
P for prescription, I have quite a few
just give me a pill and I'll be as good as new.
Q is for queasy. Is it fatal or flu?
R is for reflux, one meal turns to two.
S is for sleepless night, counting my fears.
T is for Tinnitus; bells in my ears.
U is for urinary; troubles with flow;
W is for worry. NOW what's going around?
X is for X ray, and what might be found.
Y for another year I'm left here behind.
Z is for zest I still have ~~ in my mind.

I've survived all the symptoms, my body's deployed and I'm
keeping twenty-six doctors fully employed !!!
<><>

Next one from my friend Big Dave T. Thanks for this one.

A doctor was visiting the ward where they put patients with delusions
of grandeur. He went up to one patient and asked his name.
"It's Napoleon," he said, his hand stuffed in his shirt.

"God told me I was Napoleon." Then a voice came from a patient
across the room, "No, I didn't."
<><>

One from my friend Sheree-N-ChinaMcClernan. Thank you.

Strength is the capacity to break a chocolate bar into four pieces
with your bare hands -and then just eat one of the pieces. Judith Viorst

Man cannot live on chocolate alone, but a woman sure can. Author Unknown.

The 12-step chocoholics program: Never be more than 12 steps away
from chocolate. ~ ~ Terry Moore.

There is no Chocolates Anonymous because no one wants to quit.

Money can't buy love, but it can buy a lot of chocolate.

Forget love, I'd rather fall into chocolate.

Carpe Cocoa ~~ Seize the Chocolate.

Chocolate can't solve life's problems. But can make them seem
temporarily small and silly compared to sheer taste-bud ecstasy.

In the beginning, the Lord created chocolate, and He saw it was
good. Then he separated them the light from the dark and it was better.

One of life's mysteries is how a 2 pound box of candy can make a
person gain an extra five pounds.

There's no chocolate in hell. That's why it's called hell.
<><>

Well, I have to close for tonight my friends as I cannot stay awake.
Look after yourselves and each other. Love and best wishes to you all.
Cheers, Merle.

Post 636 ~~ Thursday, 15th October, 2009.
<><><>

By Degrees.

Post 635 ~ ~ ~ Friday, 9th October, 2009.

Hello Everyone ~~~ I hope all is well with you,
my friends. I am OK and just put some roses on
to brighten the blog and because I like them.

I had some blood tests yesterday, and my hair cut
today, so that feels better. I get 3 monthly tests
on my diabetes etc, so see Doctor next week.



We have several birthdays among our blogging friends and I hope they
all have a wonderful day for their birthdays. First is Susie tomorrow
on the 10th. On Tuesday 12th Mary of Canada and on the 13th there
are two Pea also from Canada and Jack K. from the US.
<><>

First item tonight is a small poem by Robert Heyward - "By Degrees."

One step upon another, And the longest walk is ended;
One stitch upon another, And the longest rent is mended;
One brick upon another, And the highest wall is made;
One flake upon another, And the deepest snow is laid.

Then do not look disheartened, On the work you have to do,
And say that such a mighty task, You never can get through.
But just endeavour day by day , Another point to gain;
And soon the mountain which you fear, Will prove to be a plain.
<><>
First joke is called "Dust to Dust."

After church little Johnny told his parents he needed to speak to
the pastor. When he spoke with the pastor, he said, "I heard you
say today that we came from dust and when we die we go back
to dust."

The pastor said, "Yes I did and I am glad you were listening. Why
do you ask?" Little Johnny said, "Well, you better come back to my
house and look under the bed because either someone is coming
or going."
<><>

One from Sue and Bob in England. Thanks for this one.

Young Chuck moved to Texas and bought a donkey from a farmer
for $100.00. The farmer agreed to deliver the donkey the next
day.The next day he drove up and said, "Sorry son, the donkey died."

Chuck replied, "Well then just give me my money back."
The farmer said, "Can't do that. I went and spent it already."
Chuck said, "OK, then just bring me the dead donkey."
The farmer asked, "What ya gonna do with him?"

Chuck said, "I'm gonna raffle him."
The farmer said, "You can't raffle a dead donkey."
Chuck said, "Sure I can Watch me.. I won't tell anyone he's dead."

A month later, the farmer met up with Chuck and asked, "What
happened with that dead donkey?"
Chuck said , "I raffled him off. I sold 500 tickets at two dollars a
piece and made a profit of $898.00."

The farmer said, "Didn't anyone complain?"

Chuck said, "Just the guy who won. So I gave him his two dollars
back."
Chuck now works for the government.
<><>

One from my friend Warren called "The Buttocks." Thanks.

A married couple was in a terrible accident where the man's face
was severely burned.

The doctor told the husband that they couldn't graft any skin from
his body because he was too skinny.

So the wife offered to donate some of her own skin. However, the
only skin on her body that the doctor felt was suitable would have
to come from her buttocks.

The husband and wife agreed that they would tell no one about
where the skin came from, and they requested that the doctor
honor their secret.

After all, this was a very delicate matter. After the surgery was
completed, everyone was astounded at the man's new face.

He looked more handsome than he ever had before. All his friends
and relatives just went on and on about his youthful beauty.

One day, he was alone with his wife, and he was overcome with
emotion at her sacrifice.

He said, "Dear, I just want to thank you for everything you did for
me. How can I possibly repay you?"

"My darling," she replied, "I get all the thanks I need every time I see
your mother kiss you on the cheek.
<><>

One from Lady Di called "Grandfathers and Grandmothers." Thanks Di.

Have you ever wondered about the difference between Grandfathers
and Grandmothers? Well here it is:

A friend, who worked away from home all week, always made a
special effort with his family on the weekends.

Every Sunday morning he would take his 7 year old granddaughter
out for a drive in the car for some bonding time . . . just he and his
granddaughter.

One particular Sunday however, he had a bad cold and really didn't
feel like being up at all. Luckily his wife came to the rescue and said
that she would take their granddaughter out.

When they returned, the little girl anxiously ran upstairs to see her
grandfather. "Well did you enjoy your ride with Grandma?"

"Oh yes, Papa," the girl replied, "and do you know what? . . . . We
didn't see a single dumb Bas***d, or a dip sh*t, or an a*sh*le
anywhere we went today."
<><>

I found this one on the Internet - it's not very nice, funny ending.
The Date.

Cross my heart, this happened to someone. This guy lives in
Winchester NY and goes to school at Ithica College. For two years,
he has wanted to ask a certain girl out on a date but has never
had the courage.

Finally, one day over the summer, he sees her at home and musters
up the courage to ask her out. She accepts and they make a date for
Saturday night.
Friday night, this guy goes out with all his buddies and drinks like
Prohibition is coming back.

Saturday, he is in such bad shape that he can;t make it through 20
minutes without either throwing up or using the bathroom. After
several hours of this, he is able to stop throwing up, but is still running
to the toilet every 20 minutes. He doesn't want to cancel the date,
because he is afraid he won't ever talk to her again.

So they meet in Westchester and take the train to NY city (about a 30
minute ridee.) They get to the restaurant , and he excuses himself
during the appetizers to use the bathroom. They enjoy the rest of the
appetizers without interruption, but he has to go back again during the
entrees.

They decide to get dessert. During dessert, our hero feels another
rumbling, but doesn't want to look a complete bathroom freak, so he
holds it. The rumbling subsides, but he still has some gas stored up.

He decides to let this little bit of gas fly right there at the table (discreetly
of course) Unfortunately, this little bit of gas came with another little
surprise. Instead of running straight to the bathroom, our hero immediately
leans on the arms of his chair to keep from sitting on this little surprise.
He maintains this yoga position trying to figure out what to do.

He quickly pays for dinner, and they leave the restaurant. Oh by the
way, he is walking like a cowboy. On the way to the train station, they
pass The Gap clothing store.

"Do you mind if I run in and buy a sweater I was looking at last week?"
"No problem, I'd like to look around too," she replies. They go into
the Gap and fortunately men's fashions are on the right, and ladies on
the left. They split up.

Our hero grabs the first sweater he sees and hurries back to the khakis.

After selecting a pair that resembled his current outfit, he brings both
items to the register. His eyes on his date to make sure she doesn't
see him buying pants. He doesn't even want the sweater, so he says,
"just the pants." he says to the clerk. He pays for the pants and walks
over to his date, and they leave the store.

They board the train just before it leaves the station and find two seats
in the middle of the car. Without sitting down, our hero excuses himself
and walks to the bathroom in the back of the car.

He gets to the bathroom as the train departs, and quickly rips off his
pants and boxer shorts. He rolls them into a ball and throws them out
the window. After cleaning himself off, he opens the Gap bag and pulls
out . . .

Just the sweater.
<><>
A few quotes to get over that one. . . . .

I do not fear computers. I fear lack of them. ~ ~ Isaac Asimov.

The dangers from computers is not that they will eventually get as
smart as men, but we will meanwhile agree to meet them halfway.
~ ~ ~ Bernard Avishai.

The best car safety device is a rearview mirror with a cop in it.
~ ~ ~ Dudley Moore.

The real problem is not whether machines think but whether men do.
~ ~ ~ B. F. Skinner.

If it keeps up, man will atrophy all his limbs, but the push-button finger.
~ ~ ~ Frank Lloyd Wright.

Drawing on my fine command of the English language, I said nothing.
~ ~ ~ Robert Benchley.

Well folks it's time to say Goodnight. Take great care of yourselves
and each other. Enjoy your lives and have some fun every day.
My love and best wishes to you all. Cheers, Merle.

Post 635 ~ ~ ~ Friday, 9th October, 2009.
<><><>

Cowboy Poem.

Post 634 ~ ~ ~ Monday, 5th October, 2009.

Hello again my friends ~~ I hope all is well with you all. I am OK and
still having callers and keeping busy. My friend, Mike did some jobs for
me, as he did last week. He is like another son and I cook some meals
for him when I do my cooking. We have just begun Daylight Saving
Time in about 4 states of Australia. Queensland do not have it. Mike
put all my clocks an hour ahead for me - the ones I can't reach. Today
I cooked a leg of lamb and lots of roast vegetables, green beans & corn.
Tomorrow is home care day for me and the latest girl will tidy things up
which will be nice. Fresh sheets on my bed - I look forward to.

My story tonight is called "The Cowboy Poem" and was sent to me by
my dear blogging friend Nancy. Thank you Nancy.

Jake, the rancher, went one day
To fix a distant fence.
The wind was cold and gusty. . . .
And the clouds rolled gray and dense.

As he pounded the last staples in,
And gathered tools to go,
The temperature had fallen . . .
The wind and snow began to blow.

When he finally reached his pick-up,
He felt a heavy heart.
From the sound of that ignition,
He knew it wouldn't start.

So Jake did what most of us
Would do if we had been there . . .
He humbly bowed his balding head
And sent aloft a prayer.

As he turned the key for the last time,
He softly cursed his luck,
They found him three days later,
Frozen stiff in that old truck.

Now Jake had been around in life,
And done his share of roaming,
But when he saw Heaven, he was shocked,
It looked just like Wyoming!

Of all the saints in Heaven,
His favorite was St. Peter.
So they sat and talked a minute or two,
Or maybe it was three.
Nobody was keeping score . . .
In Heaven, time is free.

"I've always heard," Jake said to Pete,
"That God will answer prayer,
But one time I asked for help,
Well He just plain wasn't there."

"Does God answer prayers of some,
And ignore the prayers of others?
That don't seem exactly square,
I know all men are brothers."

"Or does He randomly reply,
Without good rhyme or reason?
Maybe, it's the time of day,
The weather or the season."

"Now I ain't trying to act smart,
It's just the way I feel.
And I was wondering, could you tell me . . .
What the heck's the deal?"

Peter listened very patiently,
And, when Jake was done,
There were smiles of recognition,
And he said, "So, you're the one !"

"That day your truck, it wouldn't start,
And you sent your prayer a flying,
You gave us all a bad time,
With hundreds of us trying."

"A thousand angels rushed,
To check the status of your file.
But you know Jake, we hadn't heard
From you in quite a long while."

"And, though all prayers are answered,
And, God ain't got no quota,
He didn't recognize your voice,
And, started a truck in Minnesota !!"

BETTER KEEP IN TOUCH !!
<><>

First joke from my dear friend Gina. Thank you Gina.
I have called it "Quick thinking Kiwi."

A man in London walked into the produce section of his local Tesco's
supermarket and asked to buy half a head of lettuce. The boy working
in that department told him that they only sold whole heads of lettuce.
The man was insistent that the boy ask the manager about the matter.

Walking into the back room, the boy said to the manager, "some old
bloke wants to buy half a head of lettuce." As he finished his sentence
he turned around to find the man was standing right behind him, so he
quickly added, "and this gentleman kindly offered to buy the other half."

The manager approved the deal and the man went on his way.
Later the manager said to the boy, "I was impressed with the way you
got yourself out of that situation earlier. We like people who can think
on their feet here. Where are you from son?"

"New Zealand, sir," the boy replied.
"Why did you leave New Zealand?" the manager asked.

The boy said, "Sir, there's nothing but whores and rugby players there."
"Is that right?" replied the manager. "My wife is from New Zealand."

"Really?" replied the boy, "Who'd she play for?"
<><>

One from my blogging friend, Embee. Thanks Mike, from the UK.

Better than a Flu Shot.

Miss Beatrice, The church organist was in her Eighties and had
never married. She was admired for her sweetness and kindness
to all.

One afternoon the pastor came to call and she showed him into her
quaint sitting room. She invited him to have a seat while she made tea.
As he sat facing her old Hammond organ. The young minister noticed
a cute glass bowl sitting on top of it.

The bowl was filled with water, and in the water floated of all things,
a condom. When she returned with tea and scones, they began to chat.
The pastor tried to stifle his curiosity about the bowl of water and its
strange floater, but soon it got the better of him and he could no longer
resist.
"Miss Beatrice," he said, "I wonder if you would tell me about this?"
He pointed to the bowl.

"Oh yes," she said, "Isn't it wonderful? I was walking through the park
a few months ago and I found this little package on the ground. The
directions said to place it on the organ, keep it wet and that it would
prevent the spread of disease. Do you know I haven't had the flu all
Winter.
<><>

One from my good friend Linda L. Thanks Linda. It is called
"When to start cussing."

A 6 year old and a 4 year old are upstairs in their bedroom. The 6 year
old asks, "You know what? I think it's about time we started cussing."
The 4 year old nods his head in approval. The 6 year old continues,
"When we go downstairs for breakfast, I'm gonna say something with
'hell' and you say something with 'a*s'
The 4 year old agrees with enthusiasm.

When the mother walks into the kitchen and asks the 6 year old what
he wants for breakfast. he replies, "Aw hell Mom, I guess I'll have
some Cheerios."

WHACK ! He flies out of his chair, tumbles across the kitchen floor
gets up and runs upstairs crying his eyes out with his mother in
hot pursuit, slapping his rear end with every step. She locks him in his
room and shouts, "You can stay there until I let you out."

She then comes back downstairs, looks at the 4 year old and asks
with a stern voice, "And what do YOU want for breakfast, young man?"

"I don't know," he blubbers, "but you can bet your fat a*s it won't
be Cheerios."
<><>

Another one from England. Thank you Sue and Bob.

A blonde gets home from shopping and hears strange noises coming
from the bedroom. She rushes upstairs only to find her husband
naked lying on the bed, sweating and panting.

"What's up?" she asks. "I think I am having a heart attack." cries
the husband.

The blonde rushes downstairs to grab the phone, but just as she is
dialling, her four year old son comes up and says, "Mommy, Mommy,
Auntie Shirley is hiding in your wardrobe and she's got no clothes on."

The blonde slams the phone down and storms back upstairs into the
bedroom, right past her husband, rips open the wardrobe door and
sure enough, there is her sister, totally naked and cowering on the floor.

"You rotten Bitch," she screams. "My husband's having a heart attack,
and you're running around naked playing hide and seek with the kids."
<><>

A couple more from Linda.

One day my housework challenged husband decided to wash his
Sweatshirt. Seconds after he stepped into the laundry room, he shouted
to me, "What setting do I use on the washing machine?
"It depends. What does it say on your shirt?"

He yelled back, 'OHIO STATE." And they say blondes are dumb.
<><>

A couple is lying in bed. The man says, "I am going to make you the
happiest woman in the world . ."
The woman replies, "I'll miss you......"
<><>

It's just too hot to wear clothes today." Jack says as he stepped
out of the shower. "Honey, what do you think the neighbors would
think if I mowed the lawn like this?"

"Probably that I married you for your money," she replied.
<><>

Q. What do you call an intelligent, good looking, sensitive man?

A. A rumur.
<><>

Just a few quotes to close with.

I know that God will not give me anything I can't handle.
I just wish that He didn't trust me so much. ~ ~ Mother Teresa.

I believe God is in me as the sun is in the color and fragrance
of a flower - - the light in my darkness, the voice in my silence.
~ ~ ~ Helen Keller.

God has made many doors opening into truth which He opens
to all who knock upon them with hands of Faith.~~Kahlil Gibran.


Faith is to believe what you do not see;
The reward of this faith is to see what you believe.
~ ~ ~ St.Augustine.

Without faith, nothing is possible.
With it, nothing is impossible. ~ ~ Mary McLeod Bethune.

There is nothing that wastes the body like worry and one who
has any faith in God should be ashamed to worry about
anything whatsoever. ~ ~ Mahatma Gandhi.

Well, time to say Goodnight to you all. I hope the week will be a
really good one for all of us. Take great care of yourselves and
each other. My love and best wishes to you all. Cheers, Merle.

Post 634 ~ ~ ~ Monday, 5th October, 2009.
<><><>

Mizpah.

Post 633 ~ ~ Wednesday, 30th September, 2009.

Hello Everyone ~~ I have had quite a few visitors and haven't been
able to get to the computer much. I had my friend Lorraine call in on
Monday, shopping day Tuesday, and today my friend Michael called
in and did some gardening for me as he has finished his season of
pruning fruit trees for this year. He will pick the fruit when it is ready.

My cousins, Phyll and Gordon came this afternoon and it was lovely
to see them as it has been a while.
I hope all is well with you all, and life is being good for you.

I have a small quote that I like, called Mizpah. It is from the Bible.

May the Lord watch between thee and me,
When we are absent one from the other.

As I have started late, I will find some jokes and get on with it.
First one is from my good friend Gina. Thanks Gina.

When Nothing Goes Right.

A short guy sitting at a bar just staring at his drink for half an hour
when this big trouble-making biker steps next to him, grabs his drink,
gulps it down in one swig and then turns to the guy with a menacing
stare as if to say, "What'cha gonna do about it?

The poor little guy starts to crying . . . . . . .

"Come on man, I was just giving you a hard time," the biker says.
I didn't think you'd CRY. I can't stand to see a man crying."

"This is the worst day of my life," said the little guy, between sobs.

"I can't do anything right. I overslept and was late to an important
meeting, so my boss fired me . . . When I went to the parking lot,
I found my car was stolen and I don't have any insurance. I left my
wallet in the cab I took home."

He continues, crying even harder. "Then I found my wife in bed
with the gardener and my dog bit me. So I came to this bar trying to
work trying to work up the courage to put an end to my life, and then
you show up and drink the damn poison."
<><>

A few from my dear friend Linda May. Thank you Linda.

Woman over 50 don't have babies because they would put them
down and forget where they put them.

A friend of mine confused her valium with her birth contol pills . . .
She has 14 kids but doesn't really care.

One of life's mysteries is how a a 2-pound box of chocolates
can make a woman gain 5 lbs.

My mind not only wanders, it sometimes leaves completely.

The best way to forget your troubles is to wear tight shoes.

The nice thing about living in a small town is that when you don't
know what you are doing, someone else does.

The older you get. the tougher it is to lose weight because by then
your body and your fat are really good friends.

Just when I was getting used to yesterday, along came today.

Sometimes I think I understand everything, and then I regain
consciousness.

Amazing. You hang something in your closet for a while and it
shrinks 2 sizes.

Skinny people irritate me. Especially when they say things like . .
"You know, sometimes I forget to eat." . . . Now I have forgotten
my address, my mother's maiden name and my keys, but I have
never forgotten to eat. You have to be a special kind of stupid to
forget to eat.

The trouble with some women is they get all excited about nothing
and then they marry him.

I read this article that said the typical symptoms of stress are eating
too much, impulse buying, and driving too fast. Are they kidding?
That's my idea of a perfect day.
<><>

One from my dear friend, Barbara. Thank you for this one.

During a visit to the mental asylum, I asked the director how he
determines whether or not a patient should be institutionalised.

"Well" said the director, we fill up a bath-tub, then we offer,
A teaspoon, a teacup and a bucket to the patient and ask him or
her to empty the bathtub."

"Oh, I understand," I said."A normal person would use the bucket
because it's bigger than the teaspoon or teacup."

"No," said the director, "A normal person would pull the plug. Do
you want a bed near the window?"
<><>

Well, time for me to go to bed. Have been on my feet, nearly all
day. Take great care dear friends. My love and best wishes to
you all. Cheers, Merle.

Post 633 ~ ~ ~ Wednesday, 30th September, 2009.
<><><>

Graduation Day.

Post 632 ~ ~ ~ Thursday, 24th September, 2009.

Hello My Friends ~ ~ I hope you are all well and that things are going
well for you. I am fine and all is well here. A little bit of rain now and
then, and I have small Broad Beans on my plants - Yay!! And I have
some green bean plants about 2 inches high. My Wisteria is almost
in full bloom and the Pelargoniums are starting to bloom. I think that
Spring is really with us at last. Also a few Sweet Peas flowering.

Please pop over to wish, our blogging friend, Sandy a very happy
birthday for the 24th. I hope you have had a lovely day, Sandy
<><>
I have posted this nice story before, but feel it could run again. It was
sent to me again recently by my friend, Linda Lander. Thanks, Linda.

One day when I was a freshman in high school, I saw a kid from my
class walking home from school. His name was Kyle. It looked like he
was carrying all of his books. I thought to myself, "Why would anyone
bring home all his books on a Friday? He must really be a nerd."

I had quite a weekend planned (parties and a football game with my
friends tomorrow afternoon) so I shrugged my shoulders and went on.
As I was walking, I saw a bunch of kids running toward him. They ran at
him, knocking all his books out of his arms and tripping him so he landed
in the dirt. His glasses went flying in the grass about ten feet from him..
He looked up and I saw this terrible sadness in his eyes.

My heart went out to him. So I jogged over to him as he crawled
around looking for his glasses, and I saw a tear in his eye.
As I handed him his glasses, I said, "Those guys are jerks. They really
should get lives."

He looked at me and said, "Hey thanks!!"
There was a big smile on his face. It was one of those smiles that
showed real gratitude. I helped him pick up his books, and asked where
he lived. As it turned out, he lived near me, so I asked why hadn't I
seen him before. He said that he had gone to a private school before.
I would never have hung out with a private school kid before.

We talked all the way home, and I carried some of his books. He turned
out to be a pretty cool kid. I asked if he wanted to play football with my
friends and he said Yes.

We hung out all weekend and the more I got to know Kyle, the more I
liked him and my friends thought the same of him.
Monday morning came, and there was Kyle with the huge stack of books
again. I stopped him and said, "Boy, you're gonna really build some
serious muscles with this pile of books." He just laughed and handed me
half the books. Over the next four years, Kyle and I became best friends.
When we were seniors we began to think about college. Kyle decided on
Georgetown and I was going to Duke.

I knew that we would always be friends, that the miles would never be a
problem. He was going to be a doctor and I was going for business on a
football scholarship. Kyle was Valedictorian of our class. I teased him
all the time about being a nerd. He had to prepare a speech for graduation.
I was so glad it wasn't me having to get up there and speak.

Graduation day, I saw Kyle. He looked great. He was one of those guys
that really found himself during high school. He filled out and actually
looked good in glasses. He had more dates than I had and all the girl
loved him. Boy, sometimes I was jealous! Today was one of those days.

I could see he was nervous about his speech, so I smacked him on the
back and said, "Hey , big guy, you'll be great."
He looked at me with one of those looks, (the really grateful one) and
he smiled and said, "Thanks."

As he started his speech, he cleared his throat and began . . . .
"Graduation is a time to thank those who helped you make it through
those tough years. your parents, your teachers, your siblings, maybe a
coach . . . but mostly your friends. . .
I am here to tell you that being a friend to someone is the best gift you
can give them. I am going to tell you a story.

I just looked at my friend with disbelief as he told of the first day we met.
He had planned to kill himself over the weekend. He talked of how he
had cleaned out his locker so his Mom wouldn't have to do it later and
was carrying his stuff home.

He looked hard at me and gave a little smile. Thankfully I was saved.
My friend saved me from doing the unspeakable. I heard a gasp go
through the crowd as this handsome, popular boy told us all about his
weakest moment. I saw his Mom and Dad looking at me and smiling
that same grateful smile.

Not until that moment did I realize it's depth.
Never underestimate the power of your actions . . . .
With one small gesture you can change a person's life.

Friends are angels who lift us to our feet when our wings have trouble
remembering how to fly.
There is no beginning or end . . Yesterday is history, Tomorrow is a
mystery. Today is a gift.

A bit long but a lovely story, so be generous with your actions.
<><>
Now for some jokes ~ ~ ~ Thanks Margaret in Q'ld for - -
"Why Men are Never Depressed"

Men are just happier people - - What do you expect, from such
simple creatures? Your last name stays put. The garage is all yours.
Wedding plans take care of themselves. Chocolate is just another
snack. You can be President. You can never be pregnant.
You can wear a white T-shirt to a water park. You can wear NO
shirt to a water park. Car mechanics tell you the truth. The world
is your urinal. You never have to drive to another gas station rest-
room, because this one is too icky. You don't have to stop and
think of which way to turn a nut on a bolt. Same work, more pay.
Wrinkles add character. Wedding dress $5000, Tux rental $100.
People never stare at your chest when you're talking to them.
New shoes don't cut, blister, or mangle your feet.
One mood all the time.

Phone conversations are over in 30 seconds flat. You know stuff
about tanks . A five day vacation requires only one suitcase.
You can open all your own jars. You get extra credit for the slightest
act of thoughtfulness. If someone forgets to invite you, he or she
can still be your friend.

Your underwear is $8.95 for a three-pack. Three pairs of shoes are
more than enough. You almost never have strap problems in public.
You are unable to see wrinkles in your clothes. Everything on your
face stays its original colour. The same hairstyle lasts for years,
maybe decades. You only have to shave your face and neck.

You can play with toys all your life. One wallet and one pair of shoes --
--one colour for all seasons. You can wear shorts no matter how
your legs look. You can 'do' your nails with a pocket knife. You have
freedom of choice concerning growing a moustache.

You can do Christmas shopping for 25 relatives on December 24th
in 25 minutes. No wonder men are happier.
<><>
Thanks Warren for the next one.

Ralph and Edna were both patients in a mental hospital. One day
while they were walking past the hospital swimming pool, Ralph
suddenly jumped into the deep end. He sank to the bottom and
stayed there..

Edna promptly jumped in to save him. She swam to the bottom
and pulled him out. When the Head Nurse Director became aware
of Edna's heroic act she immediately ordered her to be discharged
from the hospital, as she now considered her to be mentally stable.

When she went to tell Edna the news, she said, "Edna I have good
news and bad news. The good news is you're being discharged,
since you were able to rationally respond to a crisis by jumping in
and saving the life of the person you love. I have concluded that
your act displays sound mindedness.

The bad news is, Ralph hung himself in the bathroom with his bath-
robe belt right after you saved him. I am so sorry, but he's dead."

Edna replied, "He didn't hang himself. I put him there to dry..
How soon can I go home?"
Happy Mental Health Day !!
<><>

"Confessional Realization."

A Catholic guy goes into the confessional. He notices on one side a
fully equipped bar with Guinness on tap and on the other side, a
dazzling array of the finest Cuban cigars. Then the priest comes in.

Father forgive me for it's been a very long time since I've been to
Confession, but I must admit the confessional box is much more
inviting these days.

The priest replies, "Get out. You're on my side."
<><>
A few more from my friend Linda - Thank you.

A middle aged couple had two beautiful daughters but always
talked about having a son. They decided to try one more time
for the son they always wanted. The wife got pregnant and
delivered a healthy baby boy.

The joyful father rushed to the nursery to see his new son.
He was horrified at the ugliest child he had ever seen.
He told his wife; "There's no way I can be the father of this
baby. Look at the two beautiful daughters I fathered.
Have you been fooling around behind my back?"

The wife smiled sweetly and replied, "No, not this time."
<><>
A woman was in bed with her lover when she heard her
husband opening the front door.
"Hurry," she said "stand in the corner."
She rubbed baby oil all over him, then dusted him with talcum
powder. "Don't move until I tell you. Pretend you're a statue."

"What's this?" inquired the husband as he entered the room.
"Oh, it's a statue," she replied
"The Smiths bought one and I liked it, so got one for us, too."

No more was said, not even when they went to bed.
Around 2 AM the husband got up, went to the kitchen and
returned with a sandwich and a beer.
"Here," he said to the statue, "have this, I stood for two
days at the Smiths and nobody offered me a damned thing."
<><>

A man walked into a cafe, went to the bar and ordered a beer.
"Certainly, Sir, that'll be one cent.
"One cent ?" the man exclaimed. "How much for a nice juicy
steak and a bottle of wine?" "A nickel," the barman repied.
"A nickel?" exclaimed the man. "Where is the owner of this place?"

The bartender replied, " Upstairs with my wife."
The man asked, "What is he doing upstairs with your wife?"

The bartender replied, "The same thing I'm doing to his business
down here."
<><>

Jake was dying. His wife sat at his bedside. He looked up and
said weakly "I have something I must confess."
"There's no need to," his wife replied.

"No," he insisted, "I want to die in peace. I slept with your
sister, your best friend, and your mother!!"

"I know, she replied, Now just rest and let the poison work."
<><>

Time to get myself to bed. Look after yourselves, my dear friends.
Bye until next time. My love and best wishes to you all.
Cheers, Merle.

Post 632 ~ ~ ~ Thursday, 24th September, 2009.
<><><>

The Sunday Paper.

Post 631 ~ ~ ~ Saturday 19th September, 2009.

Hi Everybody ~~ I hope all is well with you and life is good.
I am fine - but alone again (naturally). My visitors did not
arrive, a case of illness with one lot and Geoff and Jo have
changed the date. So I have been giving my neighbors a few
profriteroles, salads etc and stuffed things in the freezer, so
no harm done.

I had a lovely surprise on Wednesday as my dear friends,
Jeanette and her sister Pauline called in for a cuppa. Jan had
brought a cream cake, which the three of us made a mess
of and later, my friend, Michael called so I gave it to him as
there was no room in the fridge for anything more. He
enjoyed it.

Jan was looking good after her two surgeries, one for a
cataract, another for a small lesion below her other eye. So
when that has healed, she has the second cataract done.
She is not supposed to spend much time on the computer,
but will visit you all when she is able. Meanwhile it is nice
to see some recent posts from our friend Wazza.
Keep up the good work Warren.

Thank you to my friend Barbara for "The Sunday Paper."

I just know this will be me someday.

This is dedicated to all of us who are seniors, to all of you
who know seniors, and to all of you who will become seniors.
It pays to be able to laugh about it when you are !!




"WHERE IS MY SUNDAY paper?" The irate customer calling the newspaper
office, loudly demanded to know where her Sunday edition was.

"Madam," said the newspaper employee, "today is Saturday. The
Sunday paper is not delivered until tomorrow, on SUNDAY."

There was quite a long pause on the other end of the phone, followed
by a ray of recognition as she was heard to mutter, "Well, fancy that,
so that's why no one was at church today."
<><>

A few more of Sherrill's "Idiots strike everywhere." Thanks Sherrill.

A man wanting to rob a Bank of Queensland, walked into the Branch
and wrote, "Put all your muny in this bag."
While standing in line, waiting to give his note to the teller, he began
to worry that someone had seen him write the note and might call
the police before he got to the teller's window . . . So he left the
Bank and crossed the street to the NAB Bank. .

After waiting a few minutes in line, he handed his note to the teller.
She read it, surmising from his spelling errors that he wasn't the
brightest light in the harbour, told him that she could not accept his
stick-up note because it was on a Bank of Queensland deposit slip
and that he would either have to fill out a NAB deposit slip or go
back to the Bank of Queensland. . .

Looking somewhat defeated, the man said, "OK," and left. . . .
He was arrested a few minutes later as he was waiting in line back
at the Bank of Queensland. Happened at Noosa.
<><>

A guy walked into a little corner store with a shotgun and demanded
all of the cash in the cash-drawer. . . After the cashier put the cash
in a bag, the robber saw a bottle of Scotch that he wanted behind
the counter on the shelf. He told the cashier to put it in the bag as
well, but the cashier refused and said, "Because I don't think you are
over 21."

The robber said he was, but the clerk still refused to give it to him
because she didn't believe him . . . At this point, the robber took
his driver's licence out of his wallet and gave it to the clerk. . .
The clerk looked it over and agreed that the man was in fact over
21 and she put the Scotch in the bag. The robber then ran from
the store with his loot.

The cashier promptly called the police and gave the name and
address of the robber that she got off the licence.
They arrested him 2 hours later.
<><>

Seems this guy wanted some beer pretty badly. He decided that
he'd just throw a brick through a liquor store window, grab some
booze and run. So he lifted the brick and heaved it over his head
at the window. The brick bounced back knocking him unconscious.

It seems the liquor store window was made of Flexi Glass.
The whole event was seen on video-tape. Perth, WA.
<><>

I was at the airport checking in a the gate when an airport
employee asked, "Has anyone put anything in your baggage
without your knowledge?" To which I replied, "If it was without
my knowledge, how would I know?"

He smiled knowingly and nodded, "That's why we ask."
Happened in Melbourne.
<><>

When my husband and I arrived at a car dealers to pick up
our car, we were told the car keys had been locked in it.
We went to the service department and found a mechanic
working feverishly to unlock the driver's side door.

As I watched from the passenger side, I instinctively tried the
door handle and discovered it was unlocked. "Hey," I
announced to the technician, "It's open."

In reply, "I know - I already got that side."
This was at the FORD dealership at DUBBO NSW.
<><>

My friend in England sent me this one. Thanks, Embee.
A fun one to type !!!

Llanfairpwllgwyngyllgogerychwyrndrobwyllllantysiliogogogoch

On a beautiful summer's day, two English tourists were
driving through Wales. At the town of:-

Llanfairpwllgwyngy;;gogoerychwyrndrobwyllllantysiliogogoch

They stopped for lunch, and one of the tourists asked the waitress,

"Before we order, I wonder if you could settle an argument for us.

Can you pronounce where we are, very, very very slowly?"


The girl leaned over and said, "Burrr? gurr? king?
<><>

One from Warren --- Thanks mate.
Now I'm not having a go at the Kiwis, but they do have a
reputation . . . . don't they????

A Kiwi was washed up on a beach after a terrible shipwreck.
Only a sheep and a sheepdog were washed up with him.
Looking around, he realised that they were on a deserted island.
After being there a while, he got into the habit of taking his two
animal companions to the beach every evening to watch the sun set.

One particular evening, the sky was a fiery red with beautiful cirrus
clouds, the breeze was warm and gentle - a perfect night for
romance. As they sat there, the sheep started looking better and
better to the lonely Kiwi.

Soon he leaned over to the sheep and put his arm around it.
But the sheepdog, ever protective of the sheep, growled fiercely
until he took his arm from around the sheep.
After that, the three of them continued to enjoy the sunsets but
there was no more cuddling.

A few weeks passed by and lo and behold, there was another ship-
wreck. The only survivor was a beautiful young woman, the most
beautiful woman the man had ever seen. She was in a pretty bad
way when he rescued her and he slowly nursed her back to health.

When the young maiden was well enough, he introduced her to
their evening ritual.

It was another beautiful evening . . . red sky, cirrus clouds, a warm
gentle breeze - perfect for a night of romance. Pretty soon the
Kiwi started to get "those feelings" again. He fought the urges as
long as he could, but he finally gave in and, realising he now had the
opportunity, leaned over to the young woman, cautiously and
whispered in her ear,

"Would you mind taking the dog for a walk.?"
<><>

A joke from my good friend Linda May -- Thanks Linda.

A married man was having an affair with his secretary.
One day they went to her place and made love all afternoon.
Exhausted, they fell asleep and woke at 8 PM.

The man hurriedly dressed and told his lover to take his shoes
outside and rub them in the grass and dirt.
He put on his shoes and drove home.

"Where have you been?" demanded his wife.
"I can't lie to you," he replied. I'm having an affair with my
secretary. We had sex all afternoon."

She looked down at his shoes and said,

"You lying bastard! You've been playing golf."
<><>
(I have some more of these for next time.)
<><>

Never judge a book by its movie. ~~~ J. W. Egan.

Write something to suit yourself and many people will like it.
write something to suit everybody and scarcely anyone will
care for it. ~ ~ ~ Jesse Stuart.

An actress can only play a woman. I am an actor, I can play
anything. ~ ~ ~ Whoopi Goldberg.

You know it's a terrible thing to appear on television, because
people think that you actually know what you are talking about.
~ ~ ~ Daivid Attenborough.

All the world's a stage and most of us are desperately
unrehearsed. ~ ~ ~ Sean O'Casey.

All music is folk music. I ain't never heard no horse sing a song.
~ ~ ~ Louis Armstrong.
<><>

Time to call it a day for this post. John will be heading home in
the morning - it takes most of 2 days. I am glad he and his biker
companion spent 2 nights at Peters. Thanks for having them
litlle brother, hope they haven't been too much trouble.
My love and best wishes to you all. Cheers, Merle.

Post 631 ~ ~ ~ Saturday, 19th September, 2009.
<><><>

Dust If You Must.!!

Post 630 ~ ~ ~ Tuesday, 15th September, 2009.

Hello Everyone ~ ~ I hope all is well with you and the week and the
weather are treating you nice. All good here, nice day, shopping day
so all stocked up again, which is good as I am having a few visitors
over the next few days. My son Geoff and his wife Jo are coming for
a night and then off to get some firewood.

Then I have a dear friend who was a bridesmaid at Kathy's wedding
and her youngest daughter and a new friend are coming for the night
on Saturday, so it will be lovely to see them. Kim lost her husband
last December and her mother recently, so it is nice to see her smiling
again. (Saw her photo on Facebook !!)

My other son, John is off in the morning on his motorbike all the way
to Brisbane, with a mate from Echuca to attend another mate's
funeral. He will see his daughters and spend a couple of night's at my
brother Peter's home in Gympie. He should be home on Monday.

The first item tonight was sent by my dear friend, Patty. It is called
"Dust if you Must" and both Patty and I think it's a good idea. Thanks.

Remember ...a layer of dust protects the wood beneath it.




A house becomes a home when you can write 'I love you' on the furniture.

I used to spend at least 8 hours every weekend making sure everything was
just perfect - 'in case someone came over.'

Finally I realized one day, that no-one came over; they were all out living life
and having fun.

NOW, when people visit, I don't have to explain the 'condition' of my home...

They are more interested in hearing about the things I've been doing while I
was away and having fun.

If you haven't figured this out yet, please heed this advice.

Life is short. Enjoy it.

Dust if you must ........
but wouldn't it be better to paint a picture or write a letter, bake cookies
or a cake and lick the spoon or plant a seed, ponder the difference
between want and need?

Dust if you must, but there's not much time. . . . .
with beer to drink, rivers to swim and mountains to climb, music to
hear and books to read, friends to cherish and life to lead.

Dust if you must, but the world's out there with the sun in your
eyes, the wind in your hair, a flutter of snow, a shower of rain.

This day will not come around again.

Dust if you must, but bear in mind, old age will come and it's not kind . . .

And when you go - and go you must - you, yourself will make
more dust !!

It's not tyou gather, but what you scatter that tells what kind
of life you have lived.
<><><>

My dear friend, Margaret from Q'ld sent me the next on. Thank you..

Emergency Call.

An Irishman is cleaning his rifle and accidently shoots his wife.
He immediately dials 000.

Irishman : "It's my wife. I've accidently shot her. I've killed her."

Operator: "Please calm down Sir. Can you make sure she is
actually dead?"

"click" "BANG."

Irishman: "Okay, done that. What next?"
<><>

The next couple are from my friend, Warren, Thanks, mate.

A Sheriff in a small town in Texas walks out in the street and sees
a blond haired cowboy coming toward him with nothing on but his
cowboy hat, his gun and his boots. He arrests him for indecent
exposure.

As he is locking him up, he asks, "Why in the world are you walking
around like this?"

The cowboy says, "Well it's like this, Sheriff . . . I was in this bar
down the road and this pretty red-head asks me to go out to her
homestead with her. . . . So I did.

We go inside and she pulls off her top and asks me to pull off my
shirt . . . . So I did.

Then she pulls off her skirt and asks me to pull off my pants . . .
. . .So I did.

Then she pulls off her panties and asks me to pull off my shorts . . .
. . . . So I did.

Then she gets on the bed and looks at me kind of sexy and says,
"Now go to town cowboy.."
And here I am.'

Son of a gun. Blonde Men do exist !!
<><>

Two Little Old Ladies.

Two little old ladies were sitting on a park bench outside the local
town hall where a flower show was in progress.

The thin one leaned over and said, "Life is so boring. We never
have any fun anymore. For $10 I'd take my clothes off and streak
through that stupid flower show."

"You're on." said the other old lady, holding up a $10 bill.

The first old lady slowly fumbled her way out of her clothes and then
completely naked streaked (as fast as an old lady can) through the
front door of the flower show.

Waiting outside, her friend soon heard a huge commotion inside the
hall, followed by loud applause and shrill whistling. Finally, the smiling
and naked old lady came through the exit door, surrounded by a
cheering crowd.

"What happened?" asked her waiting friend.

"I won the Best Dried Arrangement."
<><>

A few from my good friend, Sherrill called"Idiots strike everywhere."
Thank you Sherrill.

I am a medical student currently doing a rotation in toxicology at
the poison centre. Today, this woman called in very upset, because
she caught her little daughter eating ants. I quickly reassured her that
the ants are not harmful and there was no need to bring her little
daughter into the hospital.

She calmed down and at the end of the conversation happened to
mention that she gave her daughter some ant poison to eat in order
to kill the ants. . .I told her that she better bring her daughter into
the emergency room right away.
<><>

Early this year, some Boeing employees on the airfield decided to steal
a life raft from one of the 747s. They were successful in getting it out
of the plane and home.

Shortly after they took it for a float on the river, they noticed a Rescue
Helicopter coming towards them . . . It turned out that the chopper
was homing in on the emergency locator beacon that activated when
the raft was inflated. . . They are no longer employed at Boeing.
<><>

A pair of robbers entered a record shop nervously waving revolvers.
The first one shouted, "Nobody move." When his partner moved, the
startled first bandit shot him.
<><>

My daughter went to a local McDonalds and ordered a burger. She
asked the person behind the counter for 'minimal lettuce.' He said
he was sorry, but they only had Iceberg."
<><>
There are some more idiots for next time.
<><>

Well, it is time to say Goodnight until next time my friends.
Enjoy your lives and have a great 'rest of the week.'
Love and best wishes to you all. Cheers, Merle.

Post 630 ~ ~ ~ Tuesday, 15th September, 2009.
<><><>

A Day We Will Never Forget.

Post 629 ~ ~ ~ Friday, 11th September, 2009.

Hello my friends ~~~ What a very sad day this is when we think back
to that tragic day that has become known as 9/11. It is certainly one
day none of us will ever forget. Nor should we. So many innocent lives
lost and so many families left grieving. My deepest sympathy to all of
those who lost loved ones and had their lives changed forever.

A very brief piece tonight - - -

If you can lend a needed hand,
Or someone' sorrow share,
If you can show, by word or deed
You sympathize and care,
Please do it now -- for if you wait
Another day could be too late.
<><>

A few jokes to brighten our lives - - -

Back Seat Accordian.

An accordian player is driving home late one night after playing a concert.
He is tired and hungry so he stops at an all night diner for a bite to eat.

Halfway through the meal he realizes that although he locked his car doors
his accordian is on the back seat in plain sight.

He rushes out to his vehicle but he is too late. The windows are already
smashed and someone had thrown in two more accordians.
<><>

Thank you Barbara for the next one. I hope you are keeping well.

A young woman on a flight from Ireland asked the priest beside her,
"Father, may I ask a favour?"
"Of course child, What may I do for you?"

"Well I bought an expensive woman's electronic hair dryer for my
Mother's birthday/ It is unopened and well over the Customs limits,
and I'm afraid they will confiscate it. Is there any way you could
carry it through customs for me? Under your robes perhaps?"

"I would love to help you, dear, but I must warn you, I will not lie."
"With your honest face, Father, no one will question you."

When they got to Customs, she let the priest go ahead of her.
The official asked, "Father do you have anything to declare?"
"From the top of my head down to my waist, I have nothing to
declare."

The official thought this answer strange, so asked, "And what do you
have to declare from your waist to the floor?"

"I have a marvellous instrument designed to be used on a woman,
but which is, to date, unused."

Roaring with laughter, the official said, "Go ahead, Father, Next."
<><>

Next one from my friends in the UK. Sue and Bob. Thanks.
A letter from Scout Camp.

Dear Mom and Dad,
Our Scoutmaster told us to write to our parents in case you saw the
flood on Tv and were worried. We are okay. Only one of our tents
and 2 sleeping bags got washed away. Luckily, none of us drowned
because we were all up on the mountain looking for Adam when it
happened.

Oh yes. Please call Adam's mother and tell her he is okay. He can't
write because of the cast. I got to ride in one of the search and rescue
jeeps. It was neat. We never would have found Adam in the dark if
it hadn't been for the lightning.

Scoutmaster Keith got mad at Adam for going on a hike alone without
telling anyone. Adam said he did tell him, but it was during the fire,so he
probably didn't hear him. Did you know that if you put a gas cylinder on
a fire, it will blow up?

The wet wood didn't burn, but one of the tents did and also some of
our clothes. Matthew is going to look weird until his hair grows back.

We will be home on Saturday if Scoutmaster Keith gets the bus fixed.
It wasn't his fault about the wreck. The brakes worked okay when we
left. Scoutmaster Keith said with a bus that old you have to expect
something to break down; that's probably why he can't get insurance.

We think it is a neat bus. He doesn't care if we get it dirty and if it's
hot, sometimes he lets us ride on the side. It gets pretty hot with 45
people in a bus meant for 24. He let us take turns riding in the trailer
until the Police patrol man stopped and talked to us.

Scoutmaster Keith is a neat guy. Don't worry, he is a good driver.
In fact he is teaching Jesse how to drive on the mountain roads
where there aren't any cops. All we ever see up there are logging
trucks.

This morning all of the guys were diving off the rocks and swimming
out to the rapids. Scoutmaster Keith wouldn't let me because I can't
swim, and Adam was afraid he would sink because of his cast, it's
concrete because we didn't have any plaster, so he let us take the
canoe out. It was great. You can still see some of the trees under the
water from the flood.

Scoutmaster Keith isn't crabby like some scoutmasters. He didn't
even get mad about the life jackets. He has to spend a lot of time
working on the bus, so we are trying not to cause him any trouble.

Guess what? We have all passed our First Aid merit badges. When
Andrew dived into the lake and cut his arm, we got to see how a
tourniquet works.

Steven and I threw up, but Scoutmaster Keith said it was probably
just food poisoning from the left over chicken. He said they got sick
that way with food they ate in prison. I am so glad he got out and
became our scoutmaster. He said he sure figured out how to get
things done better while he was doing his time. By the way, what is
a pedal-file?

I have to go now. We are going to town to mail our letters and buy
some more beer and ammo. Don't worry about anything. We are
fine and tonight is my turn to sleep in the Scoutmaster's tent.
Love, Jimmie.
<><>

One from my good friend Gina. It is called "Stud Rooster."

A farmer went out one day and bought a brand new stud rooster
for his chicken coup. The new rooster struts over to the old
rooster and says, "OK old boy, time for you to retire."

The old rooster replies, "Come on, surely you cannot handle ALL
of these chickens. Look what it has done to me. Can't you just let
me have the two old hens over in the corner?
The young rooster says, "Beat it.You are washed up and I am
taking over."

The old rooster says, "I tell you what, young stud. I will race you
around the farmhouse. Whoever wins gets the exclusive domain
over the entire chicken coup."
The young rooster laughed, "You don't stand a chance old man.
So, just to be fair, I will give you a head start."

The old rooster takes off running. About 15 seconds later the young
rooster takes off running after him. They round the front porch of
the farmhouse and the young rooster has closed the gap. He is
only about 5 feet behind the old rooster and gaining fast. The
farmer, meanwhile, is sitting in his usual spot on the front porch.

When he sees the roosters running by, the old rooster is sqawking
and running as hard as he can. The farmer grabs his shotgun and
BOOM. He blows the young rooster to bits. He sadly shakes his head
and says, "Dang-Flabbit.... Third gay rooster I bought this month.."

Moral of this story?

Don't mess with the OLDER GENERATION.

Age, skill, wisdom, and a little treachery

Always overcome youth and arrogance.
<><>

Last one tonight from my dear friend, Margaret in Queensland.
Thank you Margaret. It is called "The Pastor's Businee Card."

A new pastor was visiting in the homes of his parishioners. At one
house it seemed obvvious that someone was home, but no
answer to his repeated knocks at the door.
Therefore, he took out his business card and wrote, 'Revelation 3:20'
on the back of it.

When the offering was processed the following Sunday, he found that
his card had been returned. Added to it was this cryptic message,
'Genesis 3:10.'

Reaching for his Bible to check out the citation, he broke into gales
of laughter. Revelation 3:20 begins "Behold, I stand at your door
and knock."

Genesis 3:10 reads, "I heard your voice in the garden and I was
afraid for I was naked."

Remember when the funniest jokes wer the clean ones. They still
are. "A cheerful heart is good medicine." (Prov. 17:22)
<><>

Do what you feel in your heart to be right--- for you'll be criticised
anyway. You'll be damned if you do and damned if you don't.
~ ~ ~ Eleanor Roosevelt.

My doctor told me to stop having intimate dinners for four, unless
there are three other people. ~ ~ ~ Orson Welles.

Do the right thing. It will gratify some people and astonish the rest.
~ ~ ~ Mark Twain.

Momma always said life was like a box of chocolates. You never
know what you're gonna get. ~ ~ ~ Forrest Gump.

You may say I'm a dreamer
But I'm not the only one,
I hope someday you'll join us
And the world will live as one. ~ ~ ~ John Lennon.

Well on that happy note I will close for tonight, my friends.
Take good care of yourselves and each other. Enjoy your lives.
My love and best wishes to you all. Cheers, Merle.

Post 629 ~ ~ ~ Friday, 11th September, 2009.
<><><>

An Unstoppable Virus.

Post 628 ~ ~ ~ Sunday 6th September, 2009.

Hello Everyone ~~ I hope all is well at your house, wherever that
may be and things are going well for you. All OK here at present.
My son John has safely returned from a Far Ride to Tasmania. He
took his Motorcycle on the Princess of Tasmania Ferry. He had a
cabin to sleep through the crossing, but busy riding all round Tassie.
I am always relieved when he gets home.

I hope all the Aussie fathers had a great day today, Father's Day
and got Breakfast in bed perhaps and some gifts. When both your
parents have gone, these days are bittersweet.

My friend Warren sent me the first joke tonight. Thanks Warren
and for the others. This one is called "The Unstoppable Virus."

Now this doesn't apply to me, at least not yet, 'cos I don;t think this
applies to me at least not yet, or have I mentioned this before, at least
I don't think so !!!!!!!

THIS IS VERY IMPORTANT...YOUR COMPUTER DAYS MAY BE
NUMBERED !!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

I thought you would want to know about this e mail virus. Even the
most advanced programs from Norton or McAfee cannot take care of
this one. It appears to affect those who were born before 1960.
Symptoms:

1. Causes you to send the same e-mail twice. done that!

2. Causes you to send a blank e-mail. That too!

3. Causes you to send e-mail to wrong person. Yep!

4. Causes you to send it back to the person who sent it to you. Aha.

5. Causes you to forget to attach the attachment. Well darn !

6. Causes you to hit SEND before you're finished. Oh no, not again.

7. Causes you to hit DELETE when you should have hit SEND. I hate that.

8. Causes you to hit SEND when you should DELETE. Oh No.

IT IS CALLED THE C-NILE VIRUS.

Hmmm... Have I already sent this to you?

<><><>

A few bits and pieces that my friend Embee sent me. Thanks Mike.

To know what we know - and to know what we do not know, that is true
knowledge.

The most useful thing about a principle is that it can always be
sacrificed to expediency. ~ ~ Somerset Maugham.

Old age is nothing but a bad habit which a busy person has no time
for.

You don't have to take a person's advice to make them feel good.
Just ask for it. ~ ~ Lawrence Peters.

Time flies like an arrow.
Fruit flies like a banana.

IN PRAISE OF DRINK
There are many good reasons for drinking and one has just come
into my head, if a man can't drink whilst he is living, how the heck
can he drink when he's dead.

Only those who attempt the absurd will achieve the impossible.
~ ~ ~ McEscher.

An optimist leaves the dishes because he will feel more like washing
them the next day.

Statistics are like alienists - they will testify for either side..
~ ~ ~ Fiorello la Guardia.

Obstacles are those things you see when you take your eyes
off your goal. ~ ~ ~ Henry Ford.

No man thinks there is much ado about nothing when the ado
is about him. ~ ~ ~ Anthony Trollope.

There are two kinds of statistic, the kind you look up and the
kind you make up. ~ ~ Rex Todhunter Stout.

I was trying to daydream - but my mind kept wandering.

The big print giveth - and the small print taketh away.
~ ~ ~ J. Fulton Sheen.

You probably wouldn't worry about what people think of you, if
you could know how seldom they do. ~ ~ ~ O. Miller.

Manners are especially the need of the plain. The pretty can get
away with anything. ~ ~ ~ Evelyn Waugh.

When one is at the bottom of a hole - the best thing that you can
do is to stop digging.

The greatest pleasure in life is doing what other people say you
cannot do.

Love a lot, trust a few, but always paddle your own canoe.

Inside every old person is a young person wondering what the
heck happened.

You cannot think rationally on an empty stomach, and a whole
lot of people cannot do it on a full one.
<><>

One from my friend, Patty called "Grandpa." Thanks Petty.

The IRS decides to audit Grandpa, and summons him to the IRS
office. The IRS auditor was not surprised when Grandpa showed
up with his attorney. The auditor said, "Well sir, you have an
extravagant lifestyle and no full-time employment. Which you say
that you win money from gambling. I'm not sure the IRS finds that
believable."

"I'm a great gambler, and I can prove it." says Grandpa. "How about
a demonstration?"

The auditor thinks for a moment and said, "OK, go ahead."
Grandpa says, "I'll bet you a thousand dollars that I can bite my own
eye." The auditor thinks for a moment and says, "It's a bet."
Grandpa removes his glass eye and bites it, The auditor's jaw drops.

Grandpa says, "Now, I'll bet you two thousand dollars that I can bite
my other eye." Now the auditor can tell Grandpa isn't blind, so he
takes the bet. Grandpa takes out his dentures and bites his good eye.

The stunned auditor now realizes he has wagered and lost three
thousand dollars, with Grandpa's attorney as a witness He starts to
get nervous.

"Want to go double or nothing?" Grandpa asks. "I'll bet you six
thousand dollars that I can stand on one side or your desk, and pee
into that waste-basket on the other side, and never get a drop
anywhere in between."

The auditor, twice burned, is cautious now, but he looks carefully and
decides there's no way this old man could possibly manage that
stunt, so he agrees again.

Grandpa stands on one side of the desk and unzips his pants, but
although he strains mightily, he can't make the stream reach the
waste-basket on the other side. so he pretty much urinates all over
the auditor;s desk.

The auditor leaps with joy, realizing he has just turned a major loss
into a huge win.

But Grandpa's own attorney moans and puts his head in his hands.
"Are you OK?" the auditor asks.

"Not really," says the attorney. "This morning, when Grandpa told
me he'd been summoned for an audit, he bet me twenty-five
thousand dollars that he could come in here and piss all over your
desk and that you'd be happy about it."

Don't Mess With Old People!!!
<><>
A few money jokes - - -

He tried hard to budget - but at the end of the money he always has some
month left.

Every time I think I can make ends meet, they move the ends.

If money talks, then why does so much of it seem to say Goodbye.

Money can't buy love, but it can hire a good imitation.
<><>

To conclude this post, a nice quote from Mother Teresa.

It is very important that children learn from their fathers and
mothers how to love one another--- not in the school, not
from the teacher, but from you.
It is very important that you share with your children the joy
of that smile.
There will be misunderstandings; every family has its cross,
its suffering. Always be the first to forgive with a smile.
Be cheerful. Be happy.
<><>

Well, time to close and get off to bed. Have a great week my
friends and look after yourselves and each other. My love and
best wishes to you all. Cheers, Merle.

Post 628 ~ ~ ~ Sunday, 6th September, 2009.
<><><>

Some Words of Warning.

Post 627 ~ ~ ~ Tuesday, 1st September, 2009.

Hello Everyone ~~ Spring has begun today here in Australia, not that
it was very warm, but I have a few flowers starting to bloom, so I am
optimistic. The weather bureau tells us we are in for a hot Summer
and the temperatures have been high early this year in Queensland.
There are early fires either side of Sydney at present.

I am so sorry about the fires in California, with so many homes gone
and tragically two firemen have lost their lives. I pray there will not
be more. I hope everyone is enjoying the week so far.
Today was shopping day for me, with no falls this time. All stocked
up and put away.

I have started with a couple of jokes, as the warnings one is rather
long.

The Candy with the Holes.


The children began to identify the flavors by their color :

Red. . . . . . . . . . . . . .Cherry
Yellow . . . . . . . . . . ..Lemon
Green . . . . . . . . . . . Lime
Orange . . . . . . . . . . Orange

Finally the teacher gave them all HONEY lifesavers.
None of the children could identify the taste.

The teacher said, "I will give you all a clue. It's what your
mother may sometimes call your father."

One little girl looked up in horror, spat out her lifesaver and
yelled, "Oh, my God, They are a**-holes."

The teacher had to leave the room.
<><>

One from my friend Sharon. Thank you my friend.

Real Love.

A man was sitting on the settee watching TV when he heard his
wife's voice from the kitchen.

What would you like for dinner Love? Chicken, beef, pork or lamb?
He said, "Thank you Love, I'll have chicken."

His wife promptly replies :

"Shut up. You're having soup. I was talking to the cat."



<><>

Because of recent abductions -- some words of warning.
My friend Lorraine sent me this one. Thanks, Lorraine.

In daylight hours, refresh yourself of these things to do in an emergency....
This is for you to share with your wife, your children and everyone you
know. After reading these 9 crucial tips, share them with others.

It never hurts to be careful in this crazy world we live in.

!. Tip from Tae Kwon Do:
The elbow is the strongest part on your body If you are close enough, use it.

2. Learned this one from a tourist guide. If a robber asks for your purse or
wallet. DO NOT HAND IT TO HIM.

Toss it away from you. . . .Chances are he is more interested in your wallet
or purse than you, and he will go for it.

RUN LIKE MAD IN THE OTHER DIRECTION.

3. If you are ever thrown in the trunk of a car, kick out the tail light andxx
stick your hand out of the hole and start waving like crazy. The driver
won't see you, but everybody else will. This has saved lives.

4. Women have a tendency to get in their cars after shopping, eating or
working, etc, and just sit (doing their chequebooks, or making a list etc.)

DON'T DO THIS !
The predator will be watching you, and this is the perfect opportunity for
him to get in on the passenger side, put a gun to your head, and tell you
where to go. AS SOON AS YOU GET IN THE CAR---

LOCK THE DOORS AND LEAVE.

If someone is in the car with a gun to your head. DO NOT DRIVE
OFF. Repeat: DO NOT DRIVE OFF.

Instead Gun the Engine. and speed into anything, wrecking the car.
YOUR AIRBAG will save you. If the person is in the back seat, they
will get the worst of it. As soon as the car crashes, Bail out and run.

It is better than having them find your body in a remote location.

5. A few notes about getting into your car in a parking lot or garage.
A. Be aware: Look around you. Look into your car, at the passenger
side floor and in the back seat.

B. If you are parked next to a big van, enter your car from the passenger
door. Most serial killers attack their victims by pulling them into their
vans while the women are attempting to get into their cars.

C. Look at the car parked on the driver's side. . . If a male is sitting alone
in the seat nearest your car; you may want to walk back into the mall or
work and get a guard/policeman to walk you back out.

IT IS ALWAYS BETTER TO BE SAFE THAN SORRY>
And better paranoid than dead.

6, ALWAYS take the elavator instead of the stairs. Stairwells are
horrible places to be alone and the perfect crime spot.
Especially at NIGHT.

7. If the predator has a gun and you are not under his control,
ALWAYS RUN. The predator will only hit you (a running target)
4 in 100 times; and even then it most likely WILL NOT be a vital organ.
RUN. Preferably in a zig zag pattern.

8. As women, we are always trying to be sympathetic: STOP.

It may get you raped, or killed. Ted Bundy, the serial killer, was a good
looking well educated man, who ALWAYS played on the sympathies of
unsuspecting women. He walked with a cane, or a limp. and often asked
'for help' into his vehicle or with his vehicle, which is when he abducted
his next victim.

9. Another Safety Point:
Someone just told me that her friend heard a crying baby on her porch the
night before last and she called Police because it was late and she thought
it was weird.The police told her--"Whatever you do, DO NOT open the door."

The lady then said that it sounded like the baby had crawled near a window
and she was worried that it would crawl to the street and get run over.

The policeman said, "We already have a unit on the way, whatever you do
DO NOT open the door. He told her that they think a serial killer has a
baby's cry recorded and uses it to coax women out of their homes thinking
that someone dropped off a baby.

He said they had not verified it but have had several calls from women
saying that they heard a baby crying outside their homes when they're
home alone at night.

10. Water scam.

If you wake up in the middle of the night to hear all your taps outside
running or what you think is a burst pipe. DO NOT GO OUT TO
INVESTIGATE. These people turn on all your outside taps on full, so
that you will go out to investigate and then attack.

Stay alert , keep safe, and look out for your neighbors.
This e mail should be taken seriously because the CRYING BABY
theory was mentioned on America;s Most Wanted when they profiled
a serial killer in Louisiana.
<><>

One from my friend Linda L. Thank you Linda.

A retired couple, Margaret and Bert moved to Tamworth. Bert always
wanted a pair of R.M..WILLIAMS boots, so seeing on sale, he bought
them and wore them home.

Walking proudly, he sauntered into the kitchen and said to his wife,
"Notice anything different about me?"
Margaret looked him over. "No, darl."

Frustrated Bert stormed off to the bathroom, undressed and walked
back into the kitchen completely naked except for the R.M.Williams
boots. Again he asked Margaret, a little louder this time, "Notice
anything different NOW?"

Margaret looked up and exclaimed, "Bert, what's different? It's hanging
down today, it was hanging down yesterday. it'll be hanging down again
tomorrow., 'cause it's always that way."

Furious, Bert yelled, "AND DO YOU KNOW WHY IT'S HANGING DOWN
MARGARET? DO YOU?"
"No Darl," she replied.

"IT'S HANGING DOWN, BECAUSE IT'S LOOKING AT ME NEW
R. M. WILLIAMS Boots !!!!"

Without changing her expression, Margaret replied,
"Shoulda bought a hat, Bert, Shoulda bought a hat."
<><>
A few quotes ~ ~ ~

Try to learn something about everything and everything about
something. ~ ~ ~ Thomas H. Huxley.

I have tried to know abso;utely nothing about a great many things,
and I have succeeded fairly well. ~~Robert Benchly.

When your mother asks, "Do you want a piece of advice?"
It's a mere formality/It doesn't matter if you answer yes or no.
You're going to get it anyway. ~~ Erma Bombeck.

Age is a question of mind over matter, If you don't mind then
it doesn't matter. ~ ~ ~ Satchel Paige.

And in the end, it's not the years in your life that count. It's the
life in your years. ~ ~ ~ Abraham Lincoln.

To lengthen thy life, lesson thy meals. ~~Bejamin Franklin.
<><>

Time to get myself off to bed. I hope you found something of interest here
Take good care of yourselves and each other My love and best wishes to
you all. Cheers, Merle.

Post 627 ~ ~ ~ Tuesday, 1st September, 2009.
<><><>

Will We Be Missed?

Post 626 ~ ~ ~ Friday, 28th August, 2009.

Hello again My Friends ~~ Here we are again and we have had a lovely
sunny day 19 C which is just over 66 F. We had a few windy days, but
Melbourne had terrible winds which did a lot of damage, trees falling etc.
Lots of calls to rescue service to remove trees from houses and roads.
I hope your weather has been much nicer for you all.

Another blogging friend has a birthday today in the US. Deborah Wilson
I hope you have a wonderful day Deborah. Happy Birthday.




These photos of Peter and me should be in reverse order, but I think
you can work that out. This one was taken in April, 2009.



This one was about 1984, when we were younger.



And the last one was about 1938. Me with my doll called Fairy.
Peter with his Jesty friend. (Jester, I guess.)

A little poem from my Friendship Book which I hope you enjoy.

Some time when you feel your going
Will leave an unfillable hole,
Just follow this simple example
And see how it humbles your soul;
Take a bucket and fill it with water,
Put your hands in it up to the wrists
Pull them out and the hole that remains
Will show how much you'll be missed. Author Unknown.
<><>

A few bits from the paper.
What do you call a man with Rabbits? Warren.

What do you call a man who drives a truck? Laurie.

What do you call a man working under a car? Jack.

What do you call a Mexican woman with one tooth? Juanita.

What do you call a Mexican man whose car's been stolen? Carlos.

What do you call a man in a dinghy? Rowan.

What do you call a woman on a tennis court? Annette.

What do you call Mick Gatto? Mr Gatto. (He was/is associated with
the underworld in Melbourne)
<><>

My grandaughter Kate sent me the next item. Thank you Kate.

This scene took place on a British Airways flight between London
and Johannesburg, Sth Africa. A woman, about 50 years old was
seated next to a black man.

Very disturbed by this she called the air hostess. "Obviously, you
do not see it then?" she asked. "You placed me next to a black man.
I did not agree to sit next to someone from such a repugnant group.
Give me another seat."

"Be calm please," the hostess replied. "Almost all the places on this
flight are taken, I will go and see if another place is available."
The hostess went away and then came back a few minutes later.
"Madam, just as I thought, there are no other available seats in
Economy Class.

I spoke to the captain and he informed me, that there are no seats in
Business Class. All the same, we still have one place in First Class."

Before the woman could say anything, the hostess continued, "It is
not usual for our company to permit someone from Economy to sit
in First Class. However, given the circumstances, the captain feels that
that it would be scandalous to make someone sit next to someone so
disgusting. "

The hostess turned to the black guy, and said, "Therefore, Sir, if you
would like to collect your hand luggage, a seat awaits you in First Class."

At that moment, the other passengers, who'd been shocked by what
they had just witnessed , stood up and applauded.

This is a true story. If you are against racism. plese share this with all
your friends.

WELL DONE< British Airways !!
<><>

Thank you Linda for the next one.

A petrol station owner in Dublin was trying to increase his sales,
so he put up a sign that read, "Free sex with Fill-up.
Soon Paddy pulled in, filled his tank and asked for his free sex.

The Owner told him to pick a number from 1 to 10. If he guessed
correctly, he would get his free sex. Paddy guessed 8, and the
proprietor, said "You were close. The number was 7. Sorry No sex
this time."

A week later, Paddy, along with his friend,Mick pulled in for another
fill-up. Again he asked for his free sex.

The proprietor again gave him the same story and asked him to guess
the correct number. Paddy guessed 2 this time. The proprietor said,
"Sorry, it was 3. You were close, but no free sex this time.

As they were driving away, Mick said to Paddy, I think that game is
rigged and he doesn't really give away free sex."

Paddy replied, "No it ain't, Mick. It is not rigged at all. My wife won
twice last week."
<><>

Well, I have to close as I can't stay awake. Look after yourselves
dear friends and enjoy your lives. Love and Best wishes to you all.
Cheers, Merle.

Post 626 Friday, 28th August, 2009.
<><><>

A Little Dog Angel.

Post 625 ~ ~ ~ Monday, 24th August, 2009.

Hello Everyone ~~ I hope you are all doing well and enjoying your
lives. I hope the weather is pleasant for you all. Thank you all who
were concerned for me having a fall. I am quite OK with no after effects.
I will try to remain upright in future, as it gives you a bit of a shock and
I feel a little shakier than usual.

I had a nice surprise this afternoon when my cousin David and his wife
Valda popped in for a very short visit. Val brought me some chocolate.
Yummy.



My photo tonight is of My Mother and two of her sisters in Mum's lovely garden
She grew some huge and lovely Dahlias. Left, Mum, Auntie Pearl and Auntie Annie.
There wer 8 girls and 2 boys in that family. Sadly they are all gone now and
I miss them all.


My story tonight is called "A Little Dog Angel." Author Noah M. Holland.

High up in the courts of heaven today
a little dog angel waits;
with the other angels he will not play,
but sits alone at the gates.
"For I know my master will come" says he,
"and when he comes he will call for me."

The other angels pass him by
As they hurry toward the throne,
and he watches them with a wistful eye
as he sits at the gates alone,
"But I know if I just wait patiently
that some day my master will call for me."

And his master, down on earth below,
as he sits in his easy chair,
forgets sometimes, and whispers low
to the dog who is not there.
And the little dog angel cocks his ears
and dreams that his master's voice he hears.

And when at last his master waits
outside in the dark and cold,
for the hand of death to open the door,
that leads to those courts of gold,
he will hear a sound through the gathering dark,
a little dog angel's bark.
<><>

Top 10 Dog and Cat Characteristics. - - - -

10 Dogs come when you call them. Cats take a message and
get back to you.

9 Dogs will let you give them a bath without taking a contract
on your life.

8. Dogs will wake you up if the house is on fire. Cats will quietly
sneak out the back door.

7. Dogs will bring you your slippers or the evening paper. Cats
might bring you a dead mouse.

6. Dogs will play Frisbee with you all afternoon. Cats will take a
three hour nap.

5. Dogs will sit on the car seat next to you. Cats have to have
their own private box or they will not go at all.

4. Dogs will greet you and lick your face when you come home
from work. Cats will be mad that you went to work at all.

3. Dogs will sit, lie down, and heel on demand. Cats will smirk
and walk away.

2. Dogs will tilt their heads and listen when you talk. Cats will
yawn and close their eyes.

1. Dogs will give you unconditional love forever. Cat will make
you pay for every mistake you've ever made since the day
you were born.
<><>

The next one came from my friend, Jeanette, some time ago.

It is called AIN'T IT THE TRUTH ? Thanks, my friend.

Joe Smith started the day early having set his alarm clock
(MADE IN JAPAN) for 6 am. While his coffeepot (MADE IN CHINA)
was perking, he shaved with his electric razor (MADE IN HONG KONG)

He put on a dress shirt (MADE IN SRI LANKA), designer jeans (MADE
IN SINGAPORE) and tennis shoes (MADE IN KOREA). After cooking
his breakfast in his new electric skillet (MADE IN INDIA) he sat down
with his calculator (MADE IN MEXICO) to see how much he could
spend today.
After setting his watch (MADE IN TAIWAN) to the radio
(MADE IN INDIA) he got in his car (MADE IN GERMANY) filled it with
Petrol from Saudi Arabia and continued his search for a good paying
Australian Job. At the end of yet another discouraging and fruitless
day checking his Computer (MADE IN MALAYSIA)

Joe decides to relax for a while. He put on his sandals (MADE IN BRAZIL)
pours himself a glass of wine (MADE IN FRANCE) and turns on his TV
(MADE IN INDONESIA) and then wondered why he can't find a good
paying job in AUSTRALIA).
<><>

One from my friend Linda L called The Horth Whithperer.

A guy calls his buddy, the horse rancher, and says he is sending a
friend over to look at and maybe buy a horse. The buddy asks,
"How will I recognize him?"

"That's easy, he's a midget with a speech impediment."
So the midget shows up, and the guy asks him if he's looking for
a male. The midget replies, "A female horth." So he shows him
his prize filly. "Nith looking horth....can I thee her eyeth?"

So the guy picks up the midget and he gives the horses eyes the
once over.
"Nith eyeth, can I thee her earzth?" So he picks up the little fella
again and shows him the horse's ears. "Nith earzth, can I see
her mouf?" The rancher is getting pretty ticked off by this point,
but he picks him up again and shows him the horse's mouth.
"Nith mouf, can I see her twat?"

Totally mad as fire at this point, the rancher grabs him under his
arms and rams the midget's head as far as he can up the horse's
ass, pulls him out and slams him on the ground.

The midget gets up, sputtering and coughing. "Perhapth I should
rephrathe that. Can I thee her wun awound a widdlebit?"
<><>

Bernard was standing with his back to the wall. Facing him was
a firing squad.
"Would you like a cigarette?" asked the leader of the squad.
"No thanks" says Bernard, "I'm giving them up for health reasons."
<><>

It was an international television conference in the USA and the
delegates were eating the farewell dinner of the conference.
A Japanese gentleman was sitting next to a delegate from Portland
Oregan. After the Japanese had finished his soup, the American
asked him, "Likee soupee?" The japanese gentleman nodded.

Throught the meal, the American asked such questions as, "Likee
fishee?" and "Likee drinkee?"

When the meal was finished, the chairman o the conference rose
to his feet and introduced the Japanese gentleman as the guest
speaker of the meeting.
The Oriental gentleman gave a witty, excellant speech on the
future of broadcasting -- speaking in English much better than
anything the man from Oregan could manage.

After his speech, the Japanese gentleman returned to his seat
and asked his American table companion, "Likee speechie?"
<><>

Soon after the terrorists kidnapped 6 politicians and fed them
to the lions and tigers at the zoo, the terrorists were captured,
tried and sentenced to a long term in jail --- for cruelity to
animals.
<><>
A few quote to finish for toniight - - -

I was born when you kissed me. I died when you left me. I lived
a few weeks while you loved me. ~~ Humphrey Bogart.

Middle age is when your broad mind and narrow waist begin to
change places. ~ ~ ~ E. Joseph Crossman.

It's too bad that I am not as wonderful a person as people say I am
because the world could use a few people like that. ~~Alan Alda.

Looking back, I have this to regret, that too often when I loved,
I did not say so. ~ ~ ~ David Grayson.

'Tis better to have loved and lost,
Than never to have loved at all. ~~~Alfred, Lord Tennyson.

When you realize you want to spend the rest of your life with some-
body, you want the rest of your life to start as soon as possible.
~ ~ ~ Billy Crystal.
<><>

Time tto say Goodnight or Good Morning depending on your time.
I hope the week is going well for you. Be kind to yourselves and
each other. My love and Best Wishes to you all. Cheers, Merle.

Post 625 ~ ~ ~ Monday, 24th August, 2009.
<><><>

Daffodills.

Post 624 ~ ~ ~ Friday, 21st August, 2009.

Hi Everyone ~ ~ Here we go again, sorry it has been awhile but I have
had a very mixed week. On Monday my computer was fixed, so that
was good. Then my light went bung, but that is right now. Shopping
on Tuesday went well, until I was putting things away, when trying to
carry 2 two litre bottles of Fruit juice, I tripped on the back door-step.
I should have taken 2 trips, as I don't have a lot of strength nowadays.

Well I fell forward, wasn't hurt badly, BUT I couldn't get up. I tried and
tried and finally rang my Safety Pendant, and asked for my son to come
and help me up. The lady rang and said John is on his way and would
be 5 to 8 minutes. So he got me up easily, and we rang and thanked
them for the help. I have had the pendant for years and years, and
that was the first time I have had to use it.

I do hope you all have had a better week than me. Hope the weather
is nice for you. Today is my dear friend, Jeanette's Birthday. So Please
pop oner to wish her a happy day. I hope you had a lovely day,dear Jan.
Remember last birthday here with dear Gwen and Pauline.



This is my niece, Vicki, Peter's daughter, taken by my son John recently.
She has nearly as many magnets on her fridge as I have. I guess the toys are for
her grandsons, when they visit. John said she looked so much better than the
last time he had seen her.

Tonight's first item is called "Daffodills." Author unknown.


There was this man who was pronounced dead for 20 miutes on the operating
and as far as "Seeing the Light " goes. . . . . .

He said he went to heaven and it was of visions and senses that a human cannot
express. The streets of Gold that everybody talks of was but a small speck of
the beauty that radiated from this wondrous place.

But what he most vividly remembers is Jesus walking with him as He led him to
Acres and Acres of Daffodills far and beyond. The man said, "Wow, I looove
daffodills, they're my favorite flower!"

Jesus simply replied, "Why does that surprise you? I said that I was going to
prepare a place ESPECIALLY FOR YOU."
<><>

" God Speaks" Billboards. Here's a list of the Billboards.

Let's meet at my house Sunday before the game ~~ God.

C'mon over and bring the kids ~~ God.

We need to talk. ~ ~ God.

What part of "Thou Shalt Not..." didn't you undrstand? ~ ~God.

Keep using my name in vain, I'll make rush hour longer. ~~ God.

Loved the wedding, invite me to the marriage. ~~ God.

That "Love thy Neighbor" thing. I meant it. ~ ~ God.

I love you and you and you and you and . . ~~ God.

Will the road you're on get you to my place? Follow me. ~~ God.

Big Bang theory, you've got to be kidding. ~~ God.

My way is the highway. ~ ~ God.

Need directions? ~~God. You think it's hot here? ~~ God.

Do you have any idea where you're going? ~~ God..

Have you read my #1 best seller? There will be a test. ~ ~ God.

Don't make me come down there. ~ ~ God. Author Unknown.
<><>

Fifteen minutes into the flight from Melbourne to Sydney, the captain
announced, "Ladies and gentlemen, one of our engines has failed.
There is nothing to worry about. Our flight will take an hour longer
than scheduled, but we still have three engines left."

Thirty minutes later the captain announced, "One more engine has
failed and the flight will take an additional two hours. But don't worry. . .
We can fly just fine on two engines."

An hour later the captain announced, "One more engine gone and our
arrival will be delayed another 3 hours. But don't worry . . we still have
one engine left."

A young blonde passenger turned to the man in the next seat and
remarked, "If we lose one more engine, we'll be up here all day."
<><>

A blonde suspects her boy-friend of cheating on her, so she goes
out and buys a gun. She goes to his apartment, unexpectally and
when she opens the door she finds him in the arms of a redhead,
Well, the blonde is really angry.

She opens her purse to take out the gun, and as she does so, she
is overcome with grief. She takes the gun and puts it to her head.
The boyfriend yells, "No, honey, don't do it.!!!"

The blonde answers, "Shut up. you're next."
<><>

A very attractive lady goes up to the bar in a quiet rural pub. She
gestures alluringly to the bartender who comes over immediately.

She seductively signals that he should bring his face closer to hers.
When he does she begins to gently caress his full beard. ""Are you
the manager?" she asks, softly stroking his face with both hands.

"Actually, no," the man replied.
"Can you get him for me? I need to talk to him," she says, running
her hands beyond his beard and into his hair.
"I'm afraid I can't," said the bartender. "Is there anything I can do?"

"Yes, there is. I need you to give him a message," she continues,
running her forefinger across his lips and slyly popping a couple of
fingers into his mouth, allowing him to suck them gently.

"What should I tell him?" the bartender manages to say?"
"Tell him," she whispers, "there is no toilet paper, hand soap or
paper towels in the ladies room."
<><>

The girl was supposed to write a short story in as few words as
possible for her literary class and the instructions were that it
had to discuss Religion, Sexuality and Mystery.

She was the only one who received an A+ and this is what she
wrote, "Good God, I'm pregnant, I wonder who did it?"
<><>

Just a few quotes . . . . to conclude this post.

Every time a child says, "I don't believe in fairies, there is a little
fairy somewhere that falls down dead. ~ ~James M. Barrie.

The fool wonders, the wise man asks. ~ ~Benjamin Disraeli.

If you think education is expensive -- try ignorance ~~ Derek Bok.

Learning is where you read the fine-print. Experience is what
you get if you don't. ~ ~ Pete Segeger

Education is not compulsary . . . neither is survival.
~~W, Edwards Deming.
<><>

Enough for tonight my friends, I hope the weekend will be a great
one for you all. Enjoy your weekend. and be kind to one anaother.
My love and best wishes to you all. Cheers, Merle.

Post 624 ~ ~ ~ Friday, 21st August, 2009.
<><><>

Great Way to Live..

Extra note on Monday 17th. August, 2009

Hi Everyone ~~ The computer appears to be all well again
thank goodness. I will get a new light tomorrow, for here.

A very Happy Birthday to my friend Dave on the 18th.
Have a great day with very Best Wishes, and some presents.
Go on over folks to wish Dave a Happy Birthday.

I'll be back in a day or so my friends. Cheers, Merle. (Monday)

Post 623 ~ ~ ~ Sunday, 16th August, 2009.

Hello again Friends~~ Just in case my computer has to leave home
for a while, tomorrow, I thought I had better do another post.
I hope all is well with all of you and things are going well. Enjoy
the coming week as I hope to do too.



This is a very old photo, taken at Dixons Creek, near Yarra Glen, Victoria.
From Left -- Merle 3 1/2, Our Mother, Peter 1 1/2, our half brother Jack
who was about 12 at that time. He died at age 15 from TB in 1940.
We all looked pretty good then, and Jack hadn't become ill at the time.



This is a picture of a few ornaments on top of an AC. My granddaughter, Bec
bought the two outer ones, I bought the swing, which actually moves when
there is a breeze.

The first article tonight was sent by my long time friend, Barbara. Thank you.

Great Ways to Live a Happy Life.
Today is a gift, that's why it's called a present.

LIVE WHILE YOU'RE ALIVE.

We all need to read this one over and over until it becomes part
of who we are.

HOW TO STAY YOUNG.

1. Try everything twice. On Madam's tombstone (of Waylon and
Madam) she wanted this epitaph: "Tried everything twice ......
Loved it both times."

2. Keep only cheerful friends. The grouches pull you down. (Keep
this in mind if you are one of those grouches.)

3. Keep learning : Learn more about the computer, crafts, and
gardening, whatever. Never let the brain get idle. 'An idle
mind is the devil's workshop.' And the devil's name is Alzheimers.

4. Enjoy the simple things.

5. Laugh often, long and loud. Laugh until you gasp for breath. . . .
and if you have a friend who makes you laugh, spend lots and
lots of time with HIM/HER.

6. The tears happen: Endure, grieve, and move on. The only person
who is with us our entire life, is ourselves. LIVE while you are alive.

7. Surround yourself with what you love: whether it's family, pets,
keepsakes, music, plants, hobbies, whatever. Remember your
home is your refuge.

8. Cherish your health: If it is good, preserve it. If it is unstable
improve it. If it is beyond what you can improve, get help.
You are worth it.

9. Don't take guilt trips. Take a trip to the mall, even to the next
county, in a foreign country, but not to where the guilt is.

10. Tell the people you love that you love them at every opportunity.

11. Forgive now those who made you cry. You might not get
a second chance.

Lost time can never be found . . . so make sure . . .you can find
time to love unconditionally.
<><>

First joke tonight came from my good friend Sharon. Thank you.

Working people frequently ask retired people what they do to make
their days interesting.
Well for example, the other day the wife and I went to town and
went into a shop. We were only in there for about 5 minutes.

When we came out, there was a cop writing a parking ticket.
We went up to him and I said, Come on, man, how about giving
a senior citizen a break?"

He ignored us and continued writing the ticket. I called him a
Dumb a**. He glared at me and started writing another ticket for
having worn tires. So Mary called him a s***h**d. He finished the
second ticket and put it on the windshield with the first.

Then he started writing a third ticket.This went on for about 20 minutes.
The more we abused him, the more tickets he wrote.

Just then, our bus came.

We try to have a little fun each day now we are retired.
It's important at our age.
<><>

Some advantages of being a woman . . . .

If we forget to shave, no one has to know.

We can congratulate our team=mate without touching her behind.

If we have a zit, we know how to conceal it.

We never have to reach down every so often to make sure we're
still there,

If we're dumb, some people will find it cute.

We have the ability to dress ourselves.

If we marry someone 20 years younger, we're aware we look like an
idiot.

There are times when chocolate really can solve all your problems.

We never regret piercing our ears.

We can fully assess a person just by looking at their shoes.

We know which glass was ours by the lipstick mark.

We have enough sense to realize that the easiest way to get out of
being lost is to ask for directions.
<><>

My friend, Lorraine sent me the next one. Thanks Lorraine.

I thought these were pretty cool. Don't laugh, they're all true.
Perks of being over 50, 60, or even 70.

01. Kidnappers are not very inyerested in you.

02. In a hostage situation, you are likely to be released first.

03. No one expects you to run . . . . anywhere.

04. People call at 9 pm and ask "Did I wake you?"

05. People no longer view you as a hypochondriac.

06. There is nothing left to learn the hard way.

07. Things you buy now won't wear out. (scary)

08. You can eat supper at 4 pm.

09. You can live without sex but not your glasses.

10. You get into heated arguments about pension plans.

11. You no longer think of speed limits as a challenge.

12. You quit trying to hold your stomach in no matter who walks into
the room.

13. You sing along with elevator music.

14. Your eyes won't get much worse.

15. Your investment in health insurance is finally beginning to pay off.

16. Your joints are more accurate meteorologists than the national
weather service.

17. Your secrets are safe with your friends because they can't remember
them either.

18. Your supply of brain cells is finally down to manageable size.


19. You can't remember who sent you this list.
And you notice they are in Big Print for your convenience.

20. Never, under any circumstances take a sleeping pill and a laxative
on the same night.

<><>
I will close for tonight as my desk lamp gave up in sympathy with the
laptop, so I am finding it hard to see well. Take great care my friends
and enjoy your lives. Love and best wishes to you all.
Cheers, Merle.

Post 623 ~ ~ ~ Sunday, 16th August, 2009.
<><><>